Fuckin' magnets. How do they never, ever, ever get back together?

Kimye?

Now I wish that was a real song, complete with the spoken word bit and all.

If there ever is such a Tumblr page, it should be called "I've Seen All Good People's Junk".

That's strange. All I see are symbols and punctuation marks. Not a chest to be found anywhere.

Hmm…it always sounded like "hold on" to me. You learn something new every day.

Selling England By The Butt

I can feel it coming in the butt tonight.

A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without Miracle Whip.

I Got My Mind Set On R2D2

And cat photos!

I guess if Lohan ever wants to forge medical prescriptions in lovely, vintage calligraphy, she now knows to find this guy.

"Relax. This buffet is all in your mind."

He'll feel he's on top again, baby. That's got everything to do with your $2,000.

This is like The Canyons of single-camera sitcoms.

He wants a new perfect drug.

Well, now I can finally get to that long-gestating idea of a Criterion cover for Rosemary's Meatball Marinara.

Oh Mandy. Well, you came and you saw me and you picked me up.

Hey, Lack of Name, I want to feel you from the inside.

Moonshine, eh? All this time, I thought he was an avid conoisseur of absinthe.