Can I get olive oil on that?

I get knocked down, I get knocked down again,
You're never gonna knock me down!
I take a whisky drink, I take a chocolate drink,
And when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink!
I sing the song that reminds me I'm a urinating guy!

An honest question: does anyone get anything out of this column? I read the first few and whether or not I liked or disliked the song being discussed, I always came away with the feeling that the "hater" was just being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. This was the first time in a long time that I was…

It was a wonderful Cinderella edit, the glass hooker shoe fit perfectly.

GR’s MasterChef description count through five seasons
I only included those that racked up ten or more

Wasn't there one babe whose talent was packing a suitcase?

Come on, she gave the silver fox the tongue because down deep, she really wants to give him the tongue!…oh, shit. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

There's a place in San Antonio that makes a brisket pizza that's supposed to be life-alteringly awesome.

GR's MasterChef 5 superlative tally (at least ten or more)

Hands down, this was one of the top ten shows of the '00s. I don't think any show has handled cringe-inducing awkward social behavior as well or as with as much humanity.

"He's got some shit strapped to his bike!"
"So's my kid! So what?!"
"He says it's M2 Plastique."
"M2 Plastique? Tell him we don't believe him, where the hell did he get that?"
"Jersey."
"OKAY! OKAY!"

In one of the reviews I read, the critic pointed out that one of the indicators that Duffy was a major douchebag was that he looked forward to the time when he and his band would get the chance to perform free concerts for the troops……in the mid-nineties!!! As if the clearest sign of being a shithead was caring about…

I dunno. It's easy to laugh at this guy, I did. Was he any more or less of an asshole than a lot of people would have been if they found themselves in his shoes(insert fat guy in Doc Martens joke here)?

Come on, do you even have to ask?

Gene Siskel singled out Richard LaGravenese’s Academy Award nomination for Best Screenplay as the worst Oscar nomination of 1991(both he and Roger felt Mercedes Ruehl’s win was on the money), LaGravenese paid Gene back with “The Ref”.

“Turning Up the Heat with Mr. Viagra: 101 Pantry-Dropping Recipes”

GR's MasterChef 5 superlative tally (at least ten or more)

That was "Cryin'". "Crazy" was the one where she and Liv Tyler drove cross-country gettin' into mischief.

Going by the previews, Courtney is avoiding another elimination round next week. It looks like another two person team challenge and she's the only one not clearly matched up with anyone. One can only guess that she's on the balcony (insert offensive princess/stripper joke here).

The next season of Hell's Kitchen starts Sept. 10, maybe there will be a pairing with that.