The true beauty of hipsterism is that things that are out of date are better, as the mewling, chittering, Axe-Body-Spray-using masses are even less likely to appreciate it. Remember; if it's popular, it sucks!

For awhile. Unless I die really soon, in which that would still be among the least of my problems.

It has nothing to do with pods… it has nothing to do with people… it has everything to do with hurting.

ELF! Though I suppose KLF sets somewhat fewer SUVs on fire just to fuck with yuppies.

No; my friends and bros all got married in a weird little cluster in the late 90s and they're too nerdy to get divorced. So it's been a long time. I wouldn't mind a little maximum calorie cake.

I haven't heard Get Lucky yet. I know I will - I don't live in a cave. But it's become a kind of contest now. I remember last year when I didn't recognize any of those Beyonce songs an my inner hipster was the happiest its been in years (well, other than the time I decided to see how many PBRs I could drink in one…

I hope there's a joke to the effect of "This town is a piece of shit! No; it's Sinola; can't you tell the difference?"

I'll be honest; I prefer my Rogans a little beefier.

Look in the tunk.

No one interrupts or talks over people or that thing when two people start talking at one, both realize it, both stop, both start again, then stop again, then finally one delays a little longer and gets that exasperated look on their face like happens in real life all the time.

Since they don't cast ugly or even above-average girls on TV, you gotta have something to pin stuff on. Poor clothing choices and bad (but not too bad - let's be serious here) haircuts only go so far.

She's so popular!

Hello? Itchy & Scratchy Land, open for business! Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on, my last paycheck bounced! My children need wine!

Oddly, if Parker Posey had played Lois (with the hysterical whatever-the-hell-that-was turned off) instead of her role in Returns, she might've been fine. She's supposed to be a seasoned vet, with a kid whose like 8 or 10, so yes, a few years would help. Since Superman is her OTP anyway, there's no need for her to be…

Not ugly, functional stuff.

It'll be sleeker, shinier, more expensive and your sister-in-law will look at you like you're some kind of degenerate if you use a different service.

Maybe it means he can't think of any new ideas because the oil has hit the anus?

It's sad that they ran out of cats. Maybe they need to ring up their aunt?

I hope it's the same visionary who came up with "Bing".

So they lose money and still don't pay the artists? I sure hope management has 8-figure compensation packages or something, because otherwise that sounds like a cool service we won't have for long, like Kozmo.com.