I saw Bruce Vilanch at one of those churrascarias, the Brazilian places that just serve tons and tons of meat? Anyway, he'd obviously been there for awhile, since he had a small pup tent next to his table, and just as I was getting up to forcibly stop someone from filling up at the salad bar, he let loose the most…

The only comments it's okay to make about AV Club staffers' appearance:

The King's Speech is a secret MI6 plot to make all Americans go totally gaybones.

I think it's important to also note that this show did a GREAT job of depicting people on ecstasy. I swear, I remember watching that club scene and thinking they got it PERFECT.

I'm with Curly. Earlier model drove me CRAZY. I just wanted to bury my face in her breasts and live there awhile.

Like the Statue of Liberty, but taller and with better posture.

Maybe Robocop now patrols Yonge Street since Detroit has for so long neglected to commemorate his service. Maybe he'll stop you from getting into trouble, or getting a girl pregnant.

Will you two hang out on Yonge Street? Get into trouble? Get a girl pregnant?

Brampton sounds like a belch that you try to hold inside so no one hears it, and then with a "-ton" added on the end.

I have seen it. I'm trying to get MDDG in there, but she won't send me explicit pics, full measurements, and a complete videography.

Dr. Zoidberg, I stand in awe. Damn. You the man.

I remember when I was in college they were trying the old bait-and-switch… some fineass girl in tight clothes would come up and start talking to you, flirting, and then she'd ask what you were doing on Saturday, and you'd be all "nothing, baby, let's do something" and she'd invite you to hang out with her, and then it…

That's what I'm saying. I think they did the erroneous way, where you just measure all the way around the breasts (i.e. including the breast mass), as opposed to around the ribcage just under the breasts. She's probably something more like a 34DD or something.

I should clarify: on a woman.

Three things that are NEVER not sexy:

Man, if they don't include a cup size, how are we to know??

I sincerely love this idea.

Word up, Jim.

I'm saying that if Kat Dennings were naked in a bed, and I were in that bed with her, I would never want to leave that bed, because who in their right mind would leave a bed which contained a naked Kat Dennings?

By which I mean while I was in the process of coming to life for another day of dealing with my hangover and figuring out what I was going to do that night to ensure another hangover.