@the little asian - I like your name! Please send any of your female little asian friends my way for MAXIMUM SMOOCHES.

HEY HEY, HO HO, THE GIRLS WE SLEPT WITH HAVE GOT TO GO!

If five seven five
Were a sure way to get laid
I would never stop

I was just wondering when they'd get around to admitting the whole company is a joke. It's really just code for "Grey Poupon".

No kidding, I kinda want to kiss her right on the tongue.

I googled myself. Apparently there's a band/musician named Kingbastard. Ugh.

If I watched this show, I would want more Situation and Snooki. Those two sound like a h00t.

Sorry, I've got "excellent abilities" trademarked. Part of my part-time porn-star schtick.

The truth is so much more sinister. Cookie Monster is a patsy… but Bert and Ernie… well, those guys have a lot to hide, and not much in the way of brains between them. Let's just say Mr. Hooper found out something he shouldn't have, and Bert and Ernie only knew one way to shut him up.

I'm reading that NYT Haggis article, and it's pretty good, but you know what drives me absolutely crazy about the whole Scientology thing? Everyone goes around referring to it as a "religion". I'm sorry, language matters. It's NOT a religion, it's a cult. Every "religion" is a cult to begin with…. what makes…

Elliott Smith had the World's Largest Colon?

Because it's very difficult to pronounce.

Don't worry, I'm sure they'll rerun it.

This is what happens when you compulsively masturbate to sad things. Your penis is revolting. (Heheh…)

Reformed Calvinist, you never saw the E! True Hollywood Story on Cookie Monster? Yeah, he was a lunatic on the Sesame Street set. He'd get all junked up on cookies, and go nuts. He almost got fired when Henson caught him banging a roofied Maria while snorting chocolate chips off of her curvy Puerto Rican ass after…

Yes.

Relationships suck ass, and I've discovered after a DECADE of serial relationships that I'm terrible at them and should just quit and be alone. It's refreshing to finally cop to the truth about yourself, but it doesn't stop you from being terribly lonely, for all the reasons MDDG came up with there, month by month,…

That's a lot for poops to cling onto.

I think it's perfectly understandable to hate reality TV as a pop culture "movement", but even then you're just pissing in the wind. It is the state of things now, and you can either accept it and engage with it, or hate it, deny it, and be swept aside as irrelevant to the discussion about it. But to hate on one…

I would never EVER argue with a man named Poodog.