So yeah
My project this weekend is to provide myself protection from STDs and unwanted pregnancy, but also the hassle of having to remember to bring and use a condom. Ergo, I will be shellacking my penis. I think this is the way to go.

Oh, and by the way, my new band Sweaty Tofu will be opening.

Oh dammit Helmsley, I think I'd only JUST managed to get that image out of my head. Seriously, most horrific thing I've seen in forever.

Exactly, Koski. For instance, I like to use it to sexually proposition as many people as possible at a time, with minimal effort.

I'm with the Yacht, Llama wins.

Look in my bed when ya momma comes to visit.

Those kids need to leave the room
Because THIS King is taking his muthafuckin pants off!

Yeah, plus he does firsties!

Suckjobbing King Bastard

And pleasurable!

I prefer using the little widgets or whatever they're called. It's symbolic for how whenever I talk no one knows what the fuck I'm saying.

Word!

Oh wait, I don't get to make them uncomfortable? Forget it.

Oh dang
I want to win that in-home performance from Garfunkel & Oates, and I want to be naked while I do it. Micucci makes me michorny.

And, just to throw it out there, "lousey" is a misspelling, but "lousy" is related to lice.

Someone 'bated in your breath? Ew.

You know, if you ladies are so hot and bothered for fake breast exams, I'm here, and I stand at the ready.

Me gusta rascar mis huevos.

Why are you ragging on the fish's spelling? He's a fucking fish. He has no fingers. You're lucky you got anything at all.

I saw it for the first time at one of those midnight madness screenings, and hated the whole experience because I couldn't hear the movie, or focus on it what with all the tomfoolery. After I watched it at home alone like a movie SHOULD be experienced, I then went back and enjoyed the big shenanigans a little more.