I'm a man, and yet I've often wished they'd make porn a little less degrading and misogynistic. Especially these days. It brings me back to my youth, when in my innocence I discovered a friend's dad's porn collection, and watched many of the "golden years of porn" classics from the 70s and early 80s, when both…

I'd argue with your thesis if I weren't so busy fisting.

You're talking to the Golan & Globus of teenage girl scream recordings. You want the Scorsese of teenage girl scream recordings. Down the hall.

You want a recording of 30,000 screaming teenage girls? No problem.

You deserved it you prick.

Pshaw, so what? I've been reviewing porn for YEARS.

Like most shows, this one needs to be replaced by a show with nonstop hot titties and good music played by well-trained chimpanzees.

I can see my planet from here!!

Who exactly is "fartypants"? My mind is inquiring!

Much like God Dethroned's concept album lyrics about World War I, I'm pretty flatulent.

Hey now MDDG, I don't come to your job and slap the dick out of your mouth…

I would rather listen to a super-rare bootleg of Leo Grocery singing it as he slides right out of the old-home easy chair and into his coffin.

"Hence the Robot Girlfriend" is my next novel.

What a waste! Won't someone think of the apples??

I like what that caveman has to say!

So I hear "Her Midland Foliage" is the name of the new Decemberists album…

I HATE it when drunk chicks vomit on my "ark of nuance"… it's such a turn-off.

To say I need to regain my composure implies I had it in the first place. I just need to gain composure. Perhaps through a one-time gift of composure, or a slow accrual meted out by a court-appointed executor.

Correction needed, Felt Pelt:

Hey, it's what Mr. Stone does best.