This is indeed even sweeter than the cat farting on the dog.

Do not worry, my little sex-tapir. I'm on it. For as I make these preparations for our liaison to participate in the beautiful, human, and above all sticky physical act of love, I have hired an engineering team fresh from the finest ivy league universities to devise such a complex system of simple machines, using…

I will make your lady-parts sing Sam and Dave's hit "Wrap It Up (I'll Take It)". I truly will.

I'm in Houston, but I've not heard of meet-ups here or anything.

Damn, I wish I'd known tweeting could result in hot hookups, and wasn't just a totally annoying waste of time…

yeah La Pipe, talkin about dong bags always gets the ladieez worked up. They know they're dealing with a man who is responsible and takes the necessary precautions. Plus, there's always the possibility that the man will go for ribbed, for their pleasure, and they know then that the man is truly a fine catch.

I am Iron Man!

And now I'm reimagining it.

Sweet honey-pie, I will take care of that. You send me your lovingly taken measurements, and I will buy you the finest dress this side of the Galleria. Meaning, yeah, from Marshall's or perhaps TJ Maxx, if you wish to go in the direction of sassiness.

Come to Houston, Eh. I will treat you to the sweetest and second-most-expensive meal at The Melting Pot. And then I will lay your body down on a faux bearskin rug, and I will even rent several seasons of "Top Gear" for your viewing pleasure and entertainment, either from a local Redbox establishment, or Netflix,…

yay for them! That's awesome news.

Say, El Zilcho, can I borrow five bucks? Thanks.

And if I give you money
My jimmy you will blow.

But the Frogurt is cursed…

I'm with you Rodeo Clown. I love Bottoms.

I gotta go with Dogstyle on this one. Yes, Rabin has a habit of writing mostly about himself and his experiences, which can sometimes be a little annoying and other times be enlightening, but in this case, I'll say he should've dispensed with the whole Land of the Lost thing, and just written about that experience…

A friend of mine got on Facebook, and I defriended him.

My main issue with the lack of comments is that I can't use the comments section of Savage Love to try to find out where all these women are who ejaculate, and why none of them are in my bed, messing it all up with their girlsquirts. I'm up for it. I really am.

You know what else holds up better than I was expecting? Meg White's bra. Oh yeahhhhhhhhh…

I'm always titular. VERY titular.