I never even read it during that time. Never could get into Mad for some reason.

I seem to recall some oddly shaped but nonetheless endearing naked breasts on that German girl in National Lampoon's European Vacation…

Who cares man? We're talking about VITAL CHEEK FOOTAGE!!!

I'm crying on the inside.

I like to think that, in that last picture, the apple is MY BALLS.

Jesus, FINALLY.

Fuck the Metal Box, where's a tetanus shot for all the rusty metal slivers in my penis from fucking a metal box?

You guys should track that kid down and ask him about his memories of filming that scene.

I once put my turgid penis in MOAM. When I pulled it out, it was blue and coated in a silvery vinyl lining that was cool to the touch. That's when I knew I was onto something special.

Dammit. A PIG. I will allow that you are a PIG. I've failed.

I will allow that you are a bear; that is as far as I will go!

Up to this point, I'd assumed that would be "Xanadu". How wrong I was. How terribly terribly wrong.

You should also check out my acting lessons on SCTV…

I prefer to make my own porn. Ladies? Ladies?

I can recite pretty much every line from Zorro the Gay Blade.

92nd!

I'm a bit of a "hard master" myself…

…and getting her bra off is half the battle.

I guess Tasha's not really into ass-pounding. That's too bad really…

Where? The native borne around here aren't fucking me enough.