Another vote for #3, for the clever use of penile barbs. (see previous thread)

How about reading the ZMF posts above to tide you over? True, the Master of Ownage seems a bit contemplative today, but still.

His tiger-blooded ownage (winnage?) shall not be contained within 140 characters!!

That's actually the picture that automatically comes up whenever you create a web page with recent Charlie Sheen quotes on it. Amazingly, this is consistent across 100% of web editor programs/software. Of course, it also comes with a sound file that's just a bunch of heavy breathing, so depending on your office…

He's already signed up…he just wrote "Dustin" really messily when he signed the contract so no one would realize it was him.

…and poor Em can't even get on TV and let loose.

*there are

@Masticator: Not to mention his third family: the prostitutes. Then there's his other ACTUAL families, who I guess would now technically be his fourth, fifth and sixth families. No wonder he does coke!

My bosom was heaving midway through the first sentence!

I thought they were still trying to girlie-up Kelly Osbourne…

The un-cut shifter took a bit of getting used to, but in no time at all the car's adventuresome spirit made me forget about all that extra pleather.

There's a giant snowman across the cubewall from me. I win. *hides under desk*

I wish the Wolves would trade at least one of the Slavic centers…their cold, dead eyes stare at me daily and haunt my nightmares. I know just a bit more than fuck all about basketball, so if they're vital to the team, may I suggest the following compromise: cover their pictures on bad-weather days when I'll be taking…

All the other Monkey-Banksys are just imitating…

I received a flyer from a local church, the marketing campaign for which has always been its edginess…like wearing jeans to church. *sound of glass shattering* They offer a class of some sort called "Inked" that explores the art of meaningful (Christian) tattoos. They meet in the gymnasium of the local Middle School,…

No, this is Australia, where everything is just poisonous and will kill you. No superpowers…just death to all or part of you.

5 out of 5 dentists offer their support!

Bad 1950s homosexual stereotype!

As the paid spokesman for "Duh," the AVClub were contractually obligated to use Taylor Lautner's picture for this article. If you idiots had AdBlock, you wouldn't have to look at him!

I dunno…I liked the earlier one that simply said, "Less metal" followed by the polite, "if you please." I enjoyed believing Hitler would say either of these things, much less in the same sentence.