1.) If I was rich and didn't believe in cremation, I would specify in my will that I had to be buried in a KISS casket just to embarass everyone at my funeral.

1.) Personally, I'm much more excited by the prospect of new albums from Lower Dens and Spiritualized than from the Shins.

1.) Some of his 2011 work, like the Lifeguards and Mars Classroom albums, are pure awesome sauce.

1.) You know what Santa brings people with firsties?

1.) Getcha chocolate outta my peanut butter, motherfucker.

1.) Years from now their will be Wye Oak scholars studying their greatness.

1.) She'll be the one dude with the mullet.

1.) Get off my daughter's lawn!

1.) Oh, yeah, I'd totally go down on that taint if she took a shower first.

1.) What's the difference between Cedar Point and a 10 year old's penis?

1.) I prefer washed urine.

1.) In a related newswire, I had to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool today.

1.) Amy Winehouse Lioness? More like Amy Winehouse Lion In Vomit, amirite?

1.) I've seen the pics and its no failure; it's a secret success.

1.) No, no, I shot my wad into a perfectly acceptable bundle of Kleenex. It's the post ejaculatory leaking that keeps staining my knickers.

1.) Speaking o' leaks, just checked out the Lindsay Lohan Playboy spread!

1.) Around the time Jennifer's Body was being filmed, pictures leaked onto the internet of Megan Fox getting out of a lake topless from the film set. Those were great pics of great titties.

1.) You sure smell all nice and flowery.

1.) This is an interesting reversal.

1.) You can't use that word (f*ggot) on AVClub. You have to use a more politically correct term like cock smoker or butt fucker.