My favorite moment of public education ever:

Sex toys
I would love it if Archie called off the wedding at the last minute because he and Jughead discovered the "passing fad" of the Fleshlight. Who needs Veronica when you have a Port-o-Pussy?

If people start stalking Ashton, he just might need (puts on sunglasses) The Guardian

I remember when I worked at Border's Books in high school. The highlight of my shift was seeing how many Lindt truffles I could steal from the display beside the register. I think 5 was the most. I love the peanut butter one. It was like a tastier peanut butter cup.

First quoter, why did you go out of your way to make the review about The Fly? That obviously wasn't easy.

@mbs

But where is DVDA?

Heh. Come to think of it, you waited until the end of the review to drop that, Mr. D'Angelo. So I stopped reading at the article's end. Well-played, sir… Well-played…

I was paying attention until you praised DEATH PROOF
Then I stopped listening to you.

He's JUST like Geraldo, except without all of the gay blowjobs at Studio 54.

HORATIO CAINE: A- Nice and to the point!
DAVID CARUSO : B- The need for repeated readings really fucked you on this one
CORKY: A+, for whatever comment that magical mongoloid chooses to make next

I'm still upset that girls get the Easy Bake Oven while there is nowhere near anything as cool for boys. As a child, I wanted to be able to eat lightbulb-cooked brownies, but never could…

I would like to know the face of Meaningful Krump.

This warrants a parody?

A- on concept, C for awkward wording.

SCALPED
SCALPED
SCALPED
SCALPED

All this and two seconds of Omar!

Sure I can, chum!

Tom Robbins can go fuck himself! Mon-Cul, The Monkey King, was the only creation of his I genuinely enjoyed.

Change that (2005) to a suicide there, brother.