This is making me nervous. I'm being extra safe until number 3. If I should draw the unlucky lot, just remember I love you all.

Ah, the flip side of the hyper-maudlin "I'll cry my eyes out when you die and not leave the house for a week" fan — the "tough" fan who affects inhuman detachment and apathy. Not sure which I dislike more. I prefer a happy medium. On the day I die, in the privacy of your home watch some of my movies over a few…

If there's a downside to A-list stardom it's sniveling maudlin fans who tell you they'll cry their eyes out on the day you die. I hate that shit.

It's not notable at all, just funny — especially for those of us who still are A-list stars.

If you set out to win an Oscar - win an Oscar.  Same goes for Vienna.   Napoleon taught me that, and many other things.

If you set out to win an Oscar - win an Oscar.  Same goes for Vienna.   Napoleon taught me that, and many other things.

We(1st person plural) are somewhat amused, Colonel, by your flaunting your CBE in this forum.  I daresay the average Yank won't even know what it is. Nonetheless I will take this opportunity to flaunt my DBE.

We(1st person plural) are somewhat amused, Colonel, by your flaunting your CBE in this forum.  I daresay the average Yank won't even know what it is. Nonetheless I will take this opportunity to flaunt my DBE.

Good riddance.  He and his tiny penis can rot in hell.

Ta ta Mr. Patrol. Always nice to see you on the interwebs.

Betty White? Please. Nobody wants to fuck Betty White. Everybody wants to fuck me.

All of you want to fuck me. Just admit it. I've aged like a fine wine. I'm hot as hell, and I fuck better than ever now.

Hang them all
We movie stars are paid quite handsomely but we work hard for that money. To have these grubby peasants stealing from us in broad daylight is intolerable in a civilized society. They should be hanged in public squares and left to rot as an example to their comrades. O to be queen for a day! Give me…

Gwyneth no-tits
She has such a pretty face. It's a shame she's so flat-chested A truly beautiful woman must have a bounteous bosom.

Liam Neeson
That's all you need to know. Ignore that stupid fucking C- rating. Buy a ticket and prepare to be mesmerized.

This will be great
It has Liam Neeson in it. That's you people need to know.

That "bra" was actually aluminium, and it's still the sexiest piece of wardrobe I've every worn. It made me horny just wearing it, but it was not comfortable to wear while fucking, which was unfortunate. The chafing was unbearable.

You'd be surprised. Fame is an aphrodisiac.

Who'll direct this piece of shit?
I know everybody in Hollywood, and I can't think of a single reputable director who would have anything to do with this unless Cox or Aniston fucks him first. If you hear that a big-name director has signed onto this project, rest assured that some fucking occurred.

So you're the educated Yank, eh? I heard there was one, but I assumed it was an urban legend. Turns out you're real.