Now, had there been a ladder stipulation . . .

That's not exactly an inconsistent statement.

It's right there in the National Anthem. It's why it's also the official theme song of the NFL.

I really liked it the first time I watched it, but I've seen it three times now total, and have cooled on it a little more each time. A good deal of that I think is just an increasing dislike of Aaron Taylor-Johnson.

I didn't hate it, but I was disappointed by it.

So . . . seven and a half stars?

SOOOOOOOOOO much, you guys.

Ah
AH
AAAHHHHHHHHHA

I think it's one of the last such parody movies that was made by people who actually understand what parody means. I'll have to check my dates on that.

Art imitates life coming down off a cocaine binge.

It certainly didn't result from giving no shits, because . . . you know, dysentery.

Have we already Jordan Ruled the punchability of Miles Teller?

Seagal doesn't run like a girl. To be fair, I don't think Seagal runs any more, period. But even when he did, he ran like a developmentally challenged four-year-old who's double-jointed on one side.

Steven Seagal was Under Siege. Nick Nolte was Under Fire.

Exactly. AVClub isn't helping matters here by piling on.

Exactly. I'm mostly convinced that he chose aikido because you can do it without moving your feet.

Van Damme should always play a twin. Even when you never see the other twin, and no one in the film ever mentions the other twin, it should just be a given that there's a twin somewhere. Probably working as a mechanic in a Harley shop in Montana.

I think Seagal just wanted all his movies' titles to have one more word than Van Damme's films*, hence the use of prepositions and articles.

It's one of the most paradoxical things you can possibly say, I know that. I think.

About wrestling bears?