While I enjoyed Mr. Brown's story, the fact that he failed to notice something Seagal-sized in his bag strains credulity.

In light of his most recent Comedy Central stand-up special, it would be very hard to argue with you, Mr. Disstance.

Yes, yes I have.  I have also seen Cube Zero.  I would also see a fourth.  I admit this freely, and without shame.

He was a gentleman with the singular, inexplicably endearing, trait of masturbating every time he saw a picture of Anne Hathaway.  He will be missed.

rev's advice is fairly sound if you, say, unexpectedly run into Wesley Snipes on your cell block.  Not sure how well it applies if you happen to bump into Natalie Portman at the hors d'oeuvre tray, though.

You may want to shell out for a subscription to XM Radio, then.  Because I can think of a Joey Ramone look alike that has exactly what you're looking for.

Haven't heard that one, yet.  Stanhope is fantastic in concert, though.  He had a great turn on "Louie", as well.

Doesn't play in Thailand.  I think direct flights are available out of LA.

As I recall, this was one of those rare programs that my parents, who were about 35 years older than me, legitimately enjoyed watching, as well.  Sounds like you had the same experience with your youngster.

Emmet Otter taught us all the true meaning of Christmas.  Namely, that the greatest joy of all is possessing a wash-tub that is not beset with leakage problems.  I loved the shit out of this when I was a wee owl.

Eh, he's still doin' a better job of this than Colin Hanks.

Savagin' the old Hyneman is clearly the winner…even if her infant sort of puts the lie to that.

Dunno, she seems to have bounced back pretty well*, to this owl's eye.

Congratulations on further expanding the empire.  Don't you think, in order to really hit the big time, you guys need a slogan, though?  The Onion's had a slogan for years.  Here's my suggestion:

Milk Box Hero, a Milk Box of discerning taste.

Right.  I suppose next you're going to tell me that the Glasgow smile is something other than the friendly welcome which all rival football fans find so endearing.  Nice try.

Yes, I remember fondly my loft summer with Wallace Shawn.

I'm not sure what video games you're playing, but I prefer to be teabagged in real-life.

Thanks for the heads up. Wouldn't mind gettin' a hold of that.

Saw the Turks live, twice.  Their show in a tiny midwest record store is still one of the greatest performances I've ever seen.