Look, joke about this all you want, but racism persists to this day. It's just a subtler, less honest form of racism. There's a reason we're sill pouring our pancake syrup out of a bottle shaped like Aunt Nosferatu, kids.

Yeah, that Bill Clinton appearance on Arsenio haunts me to this day.

Spoken like a man who has obviously never seen 'The Squeakuel".

I thought I had the only windowless panel-van in this town…until the day they held the Boy Scout Carwash.

Reality show, huh? Is that how SciFi came up with that horrific, horrific new name?

Limey is correct on every level. That one kid who was good with the stop-motion stuff seemed to be, technically and creatively, head and shoulders above the rest. I think he ended up finishing third, though. Plus, as I recall, two of the female contestants were pretty damned hot, so it had that goin' for it…

You can increase your odds of success by summarily skipping any installment where the singer sports the beard-o'-bees look. Last year's Superchunk entry, for instance, was really, really good.

*dumps cooler of Faygo over coach*

I used to love pro-wrestling and I realize that the guys who choose it as a profession put up with a ton of bullshit and some very real injuries. But do you really think that wrestlers suffer more brain injuries than professional boxers? An interview with Ric Flair today still sounds pretty much like an interview…

Credit where credit is due. Simple, but effective.

*tosses just-completed screenplay for 'Chiang Kai-shek's Tares flom the Clypt" in trash*

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar…

Best damn proctologist west of the Yangtze.

I believe you're thinking of Doctor Hu.

Lemme give ya a hint, kids. If you're into ham-carving and/or Japanese girl groups, you can see Claudia on a fairly regular basis.

Fans of Meatloaf will agree to holding hands, kissing, heavy petting, phone sex, handjobs, blowjobs, straight sex, anal, light bondage, heavy bondage, cosplay, public sex, watersports, FFM threesomes, MMF threesomes, orgies and coprophilia.

Fans of George Michael will have sex when the bathroom attendant goes out for a cigarette.

See above: Trust me, harder wasn't really an option after that.

I can guarantee you that one of them will make out with the bassist on stage. I kinda miss my ex-girlfriend. In related news, I'm headin' down to the jack shack.

Don't kick yourself over it, Robuttnik. I still remember my first date with her. Let's just say that, while dinner tasted pretty good, she gave a whole new meaning to 'Da Funk'.