This particular criticism may be pretty dumb, but so is the "it's fantasy therefore nothing has to make sense" retort.

1) Perhaps half-Maori actors of Ben Kingsley's talent are hard to come by?

I mean, you probably were an asshole in middle school, because all middle school kids are assholes.

I hate to be that guy, but it's Finnegans Wake, not Finnegan's Wake.

The Dark is Rising books are definitely filmable… in theory. It's hard to imagine a major studio doing it right though.

It's amusing how defensively dismissive he gets about that comparison while trying very very hard to act like he's not defensive.

Flexo?

Me too, but that's because pie is better than cake and all my friends know it. So any cake is a deliberate insult.

You mean Lil' Gary?

Funny, I thought VCB was the weakest of those three. I mean, sure, it's beautiful and whatever, but it was just so… self-indulgent, I guess? Standard Woody Allen not-terribly-plausible dialogue and a plot that could be generated by a Woody Allen movie computer. Those other two were a lot more interesting and,…

Where did they even go? Wasn't 99% of the show in their various apartments and the coffee shop?

I never really understood this complaint about the show. There were occasional minority characters. Not many, but is that really so unrealistic? Is it so implausible that a group of six friends would all be white people? That a disproportionate majority of the customers in a West Village coffee shop would be white…

Despite the fact that they all sat around drinking beer for, oh, 12 hours at a time, you hardly ever saw any noticeable intoxication, did you?

Actually there isn't really any evidence for a higher chance of cancer, and in fact coffee consumption correlates with a lower overall chance of death, as well as several specific ailments like alzheimers, parkinsons, and cirrhosis of the liver.

Well, that still leaves shock tragedy and shock history.

Well, dildos can't get you pregnant, can they?

You have to admit, though, Cool Runnings is a classic.

You, sir, are a man who calls Burning Man "the burn" and has world-weary opinions on "art cars."

It's true that I am a man and I want to punch Bradley Cooper, but not as much as my wife does. So maybe Bradley Cooper is just a punchable guy and gender doesn't enter into it.

Looking for Sophia. (They meet a girl named Sophia, then lose track of her.)