HAVE NO FEAR: I'VE BROKEN THROUGH, FRIENDS!!!!!

One could also assume that he just don't like them darkies.

*no, it's a free-throw, which he suspiciously misses

I'm going to continue being self-righteous because I can't afford to wait for the President to be righteous for me!

The only way it could've been more boring is if it were called "Zen of a Curtain Beige!"

Cool story bra.

Too bad God didn't equip you with a tongue.

REAL MEN drink Scotch with a Sprig O' Pube garnish.

BIOLOGY TEACHER: "…And human semen is composed of about 90% sugar."

TOo bad theys not nekked.

Of course fruit bats don't use echolocation! They're diurnal! They can use their fucking eyes for Christ's sake! And they only hunt fruit! Mindless, stationary fruit!!!! Why would they need to bounce echoes off of peaches?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Oh, who am I kidding?

An American Warrior respects his enemy—and earns his enemy's respect—so it's easier to stab him in the back when he turns around to serve you tea.

OH MY GOD I VOTED FOR A COMMIE!

Come to the Ocean Sky, where you can go para-sailin' with Sarah Palin!

Houston isn't the fucking Heartland. It's the Bowelsland. The Gulf of Mexico is our continental Bladder.

What do you mean there aren't any obvious right-wing enemies anymore? I know this one guy who has continued the Bush-era tradition of torture at Guantanamo Bay, secret CIA rendition sites, a pointless war in Iraq, suppression the White House visitor logs secret, refusing to reinstate Habeas Corpus, keeping the Bush…

SOLD!

I hate Communist-style campaign posters!

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" a Spike Lee Joint.