You're lucky you live in the Cities, because if you lived in Lake Wobegone you wouldn't be able to get a job if you weren't Fred Tollefson's cousin's nephew's brother-in-law.

We'll always have Mozdef.

Invented rock n' roll, eh? Well.

What Christ is saying is, it was suicide-by-cop.

I remember the first time I put my Johnson in a Fuck Booth…

Flannery O'Connor

Stephen Crane, Paul Laurence Dunbar, Bob Dylan.

If JFK had lived, he would've got laid a few more times and America would've had to wait 40 years for a handsome young Kenyan to sell it a bottle of cure-all snake oil elixir.

Karl Malden.

If Cobain had lived, he'd have been absolutely miserable. But hey, you liked his music, so he should've suffered on your account.

Dessert's got nothin' to do with it.

Sometimes I can see the staticky, scrambled "Sussex 6" channel real late at night.

For the love of God, please become Ubiquitous (that means everywhere all the time)!

He was referring to me, for I once rented a room from Stephen Jay Gould.

Clever girl.

Cultural low-point? I'm pretty sure we've been at a cultural low-point since the flapper girls and lounge lizards ushered in the gin-soaked vulgarity of the Jazz Age.

Or maybe parents should just give their kids sock-monkeys and tell them about the Depression.

Movie tickets cost money. Kids don't have money. How the fuck are they getting into the theaters? Someone should form a task force and investigate.

SPOILER ALERT

I don't think it's coming to Yellow Medicine County. Right now my theater is showing "Hop."