This is what's wrong with America, people just look at the pictures, they don't read the articles and I only just realized that was a picture of Charlie Sheen and not Uncle Junior from one of Tony's childhood flashback sequences.

Well, technically her people have been French-Canadian since 1668.

I grew up raiding the hobo jungles of Northeast Minneapolis. When I was fourteen we relocated to a place called Yellow Medicine County—the most appetizing county in Minnesota. The fishing is great around here. Glyphosate runoff adds an interesting cancerous texture to the catfish.

This is what's wrong with America. For twenty or thirty years now the women have lost their ability to cook. Jesus fucking Christ. I'm so glad I grew up in a home with a respectable Mother.

I've been poor my whole life, but I've never been hungry because I'm a good hunter.

I always used to eat Peanut Butter Spaghetti. It's actually pretty good.

I've got scabies. Will scabies work?

That wasn't just any African chorus. That was Ladysmith Black Mambazo. Give them they props.

When you're diving for clams
And get bit in the gams,
That's a moray.

In the Navy, a "Fassbender" is one of those really long turds that don't break and instead sort of coils up in the bottom of the bowl, like a boa constrictor.

The fact that there's no wider context is the whole point. It's all for nothing. That's what reality TV is. To quote Herm Edwards, "You PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!" Consider the passion with which real-life contestants seek to debase themselves simply so they can be labeled a "winner." Granted, "Survivor" gives you a…

Teadoust would have to be played by Katherine Heigl.

Come to Linda's Double-Breaded Cock Shack!

At least there wasn't any shit involved.

Too bad it won't SCORE any Oscars because it's a movie about Facebook and that's the stupidest idea EVAR for a movie.

And then a cuckolded Al Swearengen will tell him to get his fuckin Jew ass off the stage.

He earned it with his eyes.

Did someone on the internets just type "NATHAN FILLION?" Every time that happens, I get the biggest erection.

I thought he was supposed to be nominated for EATPRAYLOVE.

If he were nominated, I bet you guys would totally concur with the artistic legitimacy of the Oscars.