Because the only things we can process now are things seven-year-olds love:

;

The best puns are the ones that need sharksplaining

Better idea: a supercut where they cut out all the Kardashians, Bruce Jenner, montages, and music

New Republic: Rick Perlstein ultrascandalgate widens, now includes Groot plagiarism

Let's put it to the test - which pronunciation is more easily understood?

i absolutely and non-ironically love this movie. i can see its flaws for sure - the wooden acting and vintage pacing are problematic, and the non-Maximillian bots are cheap and cartoony.

First things first, i'm an Australian whitey pretending to be black and from the American south = realest

Rakim, Mikah 9, Chuck D

i can't wait 2WTC this! It's plane-ly going to be a blast!

c3p0: Heavens to fanny pram, how shall we ever escape this?
Carrot Top: Let's have a looksie in my baaaag!
(Pulls out hat with a faucet)

WHERE! ARE! MY! KEYS!

i spend a lot of time and spare hope working on music that nobody likes. After i release the album and no one buys it, i'm depressed for two years. Then, once i have replenished my store of new ideas to the point that it overwhelms my oppressive internal sense of cosmic rejection, i start the process over again.

Women be fat yo!

i always wondered if he had to clean it out sometimes. Like if some lint or stray cheese got stuck in it or something.

The AV Club
Remember that “First Kiss” video from a while ago, showing the “social experiment” of attractive strangers kissing in front of a rolling camera? Here’s a new one, featuring attractive strangers taking their clothes off and climbing into a twin-sized bed together—only this time, it’s for the social…

Classic Morning Sedition bit, going way back: Joe Lieberman or Alf's dad?

Ice Keam!

Surprisingly flaccid

Update: MRA warning has been suspended, as UFC is on right now