Mallard Filmore confused the ever-living shit out of me as a child. I never knew what enjoyment I was supposed to be getting out of this pissy, rage-filled duck.

Honestly, that's probably exactly what happened. Remember how he spent the first season and a half steamrolling guest after guest who seemed to have absolutely no idea what was going on?

I have a friend who insists that the reason Tony Danza plays characters named Tony so often is because he struggles to respond to names other than his own.

Take that, Ogden Theatre!

Is this something that happens in general, like, on planet Earth? I thought only the Apollo shut down performers in the middle of their acts.

Is this something that happens in general, like, on planet Earth? I thought only the Apollo shut down performers in the middle of their acts.

I realized this was specialist nitpicking when I saw the film, but, as a climber, the supposedly inescapable prison walls drove me nuts.

I realized this was specialist nitpicking when I saw the film, but, as a climber, the supposedly inescapable prison walls drove me nuts.

I was also unaware, but now I know she's the type of person to name a male child "Skyler Morrison," which tells us either everything or nothing.

I was also unaware, but now I know she's the type of person to name a male child "Skyler Morrison," which tells us either everything or nothing.

2666 by Roberto Bolaño. When I saw this list on the main page next to Woes of the True Policeman, I assumed there was a direct tie-in.

2666 by Roberto Bolaño. When I saw this list on the main page next to Woes of the True Policeman, I assumed there was a direct tie-in.

This is the one Malick flim I haven't seen, and I honestly have no idea why. I think it just slipped through the cracks somehow.

This is the one Malick flim I haven't seen, and I honestly have no idea why. I think it just slipped through the cracks somehow.

It was a rough estimate…
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It was a rough estimate…
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On a similar note: I think a gay man at the urinal next to me admiring my dick would make my day. That's like a pro baseball player telling you you've got great throwing mechanics.

On a similar note: I think a gay man at the urinal next to me admiring my dick would make my day. That's like a pro baseball player telling you you've got great throwing mechanics.

I've been on this planet damn near three decades, and I can count the number of times I have so much as glanced at another man's penis at a public urinal - counting those ridiculous troughs you get at old baseball stadiums, where you're standing, literally, shoulder to shoulder with everyone else - on one hand.

I've been on this planet damn near three decades, and I can count the number of times I have so much as glanced at another man's penis at a public urinal - counting those ridiculous troughs you get at old baseball stadiums, where you're standing, literally, shoulder to shoulder with everyone else - on one hand.