Also, "Dead Man Talking" is the laziest episode title they could have possibly thought up, at least until next week's "Look! A Dead Person Who's Talking!!"

That Poor Broad
Looks she's being tortured in that comfy chair, Spanish Inquisition-style.

That's nothing - an entire hermenutics of gay marriage has sprung up around "My Two Dads".

but we don't watch 24 to see dumbshit criminals, we want fiendishly clever supervillains like Jon Voight or Marwan or President Logan so that when Jack finally thwarts their evil master plan it's, you know, satisfying. If Freddie Prinze took time out from practicing his tough-guy voice ("I'm waitin' at da…

Stomach Turn of the Century
Good thing you've given up on the cautious optimism because this movie's going to be a steaming heap if it's at all based on the book. Andersen was desperate to be taken seriously as an artist instead of a mere snark merchant so he barfed up this cut-rate Bonfire of the Vanities. As a…

Appreciate the effort ZMF but let's face it, having Jack sit around a chop shop while Vlad goes through his cell phone contact list is a big fucking waste of my time and yours. And I could give a shit about those two numbnuts because that whole plot is just an epic cavalcade of stupidity and creepy emotional…

hey, inanimate uranium rods have been responsible for at least four (sick kid, hospital staff) and possibly ten deaths (plus Vlad's crew) depending on how far you want to stretch proximate cause. And they're still stuck in a box.

I liked Emperor Jim better when he was just a Lord and had Joseph Conrad writing his material.

the Fifth Element was aptly named, because you know what the fifth element is? BORON. As in I would have to bore on through my head with a fucking hand drill to have a less fun time than watching that overstuffed self-indulgent sack of crap film.

"I've been an Internet Celebrity a few times"

That was very good. Now do a zombie Ray J. Johnson!

The AV Club used to run this feature about the essential works of various artists, ranking them most important, somewhat important, for completists, etc. If they ever bring it back, Morris would make a terrific subject. My ordering:

Not a fan of the ladiesh, are ya Trebek?

Ned "Squeal Like a Pig" Beatty? Please try again.

Tough Crowd
iPad gets iPanned

I think the problem is Garrison Keillor's face is collapsing inward on itself. His nose is practically gone, soon the eyes will follow, and he will be just a forehead and mouth. On the radio this isn't as much of a problem.

I think people complain about grammar for the principal of the thing.

you missed Agent Zhara (that's her undercover handle) put some pretty severe sexual heat on that just-out-of-prison Russian mob apparatchick, to the point where it looked like he was about to spontaneously combust.

that was a reprise of the "kid brother jacks some dude in the neck with a household object" trope from the end of last season. You remember - there was the patsy for the DC germ attack, as soon as Jack freed the little brother the dude smashed a mirror and slashed his guard in the throat.

Warren Harding got a shit ton of flapper pussy, so they can have an unrated version to recover costs.