Johnny Depp as Apache Chief will guarantee that.

Johnny Depp as Apache Chief will guarantee that.

He can hook you up with some buttery-smooth hamachi.

He can hook you up with some buttery-smooth hamachi.

Bay's got binders full of Weavings he can look through.

Bay's got binders full of Weavings he can look through.

I'll comfort your sexy wife during this challenging time.

I'll comfort your sexy wife during this challenging time.

This band kicks ass.

This band kicks ass.

*Not pictured: heterosexuals.

*Not pictured: heterosexuals.

Would you give him a Pacific Rimjob? He's expecting one.

Would you give him a Pacific Rimjob? He's expecting one.

Eddie Murphy as Sister Rosetta Tharpe!

Eddie Murphy as Sister Rosetta Tharpe!

Maybe she can play Lee Daniels?

Maybe she can play Lee Daniels?

Amy Adams needs to stay away from this.

Amy Adams needs to stay away from this.