Tanya Roberts. With the knife to the back of the head. In the parlor.

Tanya Roberts. With the knife to the back of the head. In the parlor.

"MISTER SLAUSENNNNNNNNN!!!"

"MISTER SLAUSENNNNNNNNN!!!"

Or turning "Less Than Zero" into an anti-drug film even Nancy Reagan could love…

Or turning "Less Than Zero" into an anti-drug film even Nancy Reagan could love…

11 years old. "Under Siege." Erika Eleniak jumps out of the cake. Dad sitting next to me in the theater. [crosses legs awkwardly]

11 years old. "Under Siege." Erika Eleniak jumps out of the cake. Dad sitting next to me in the theater. [crosses legs awkwardly]

"Being miserable and treating people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right!"

"Being miserable and treating people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right!"

BABY WANTS TO FUDGE! GET READY TO FUDGE!

BABY WANTS TO FUDGE! GET READY TO FUDGE!

"Texas Killing Fields" was awful but, again, not her fault.

"Texas Killing Fields" was awful but, again, not her fault.

That rad motorcycle helmet almost makes this look like a futuristic remake of "Nail Gun Massacre"…which might actually stand a chance at being good. Alas!

That rad motorcycle helmet almost makes this look like a futuristic remake of "Nail Gun Massacre"…which might actually stand a chance at being good. Alas!

I take care of the place while the Master's away.

I take care of the place while the Master's away.

Erica Albright's a bitch.

Erica Albright's a bitch.