I think I know Asshole's step-cousin (biblicly, I might add). She's in the Kappa house down the street and likes to party. Let me tell you, you couldn't pay her to shut her trap about her cousin Asshole and how he fucked her with his tiny excuse for a dong when they were in High School together. She said he's all…

I take offense to that OTP. Eeveryone says that the Steelers are given the superbowls by the refs, but they take the titles, because that is what life is about, taking shit. I and my fellow Steeler fans know that you can't ever take no for an answer, because she's a dirty whore anyway. I mean, have you seen the…

Chester Cheetah!!!
Chester is the fucking man! It's good to see they're finally letting him be himself. We used to hang all the time back in school (we were in TKE together). Ladies, there's no sense in locking up your daughters 'cause Chess is the truest of true poon hounds, even though he's a cheetah, and he's…

I find that with the proper weight lifting exercise and pharmacu- pharmasu-… drug regimen (internally and externally) getting women back to my place is not a problem.

I was asked to appear on this show
I have to say this show is utter horse shit. They asked me to be on, but c'mon, why would I do this cheap shit when I have a standing invitation from Dateline and Dr. Chris Hanson himself? If I'm involved in a prank, Ed McMahon better be around the fucking corner, not some two bit…

Did you pick up my laundry like I asked? It's like I always say, if you got time to discuss some Lovecraftian shit, you got time to pick up my drycleanin'.

no no no
This shit is just wrong. Who the fuck does this dipshit Jim Bob think he is?

LEArn how to fucking drive
Learn How to fucking Drive

I am morally against this. Step parents should wait until their step kids are 18 to take them to movies and then bang them.

I ate breakfast at the crack of Dawn. Now I'm off to buy Bones: Season Three.

In Russia…weeks beats you!

I don't care for
…that James Wan guy. His directing is a bit whack for my tastes. Now David Slade on the other hand… now there's a man who knows how to take a subject we're all comfortable with and turn it into a fright fest.

Sometimes I go in the gap
…and I don't feel the need to ask, I just go right in and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. You see, we all really aspire to "shop" in the Gap, what sets us apart is those of us who are willing to take what we want, will always have our boxy v-neck sweaters, while all of you who ask if…

So that's how you score some easy 'tang round here? Well Tasha, I'm still unsettled by that review of Fly Me to the Moon you wrote. But… if you're willing, I'm willing to kiss and make up. You get a little bit o respect from me.

That's my new bumper sticker.

Hey there Innocent!

Ladies don't like that shit no more Karalotz. They like to party. They like to get roofinated.

Bob Odenkirk yelling Goddammit!!!
I ask The Daily Mail to tell when Date Rape turns into regular Rape and they give me this horseshit?

Straight, no chaser
I once fucked the ghost of Rue McClannehan.

Amy Winehouse…sigh.
She's impervious to my charms. Alas, she will forever be my El Dorado.