Because Lynch is a sadist.

Hologram

Pressure cookers can be used to make foods high in saturated fats. There IS an obesity epidemic after all.

at first glance I thought you wrote "magical eyebrows". Which I suppose would work as well.

You know what the bible says about not forgiving people? It's against it.

He insisted on being "Jim Morrison'd" in the vocal booth.

I remember seeing that girl on some "Morning Joe" type show whenever that song was new. After performing it, the host asked her if it was a commentary on how celebrity obsessed we are as a culture. Her eyes glazed over and she stammered "I just think David Duchovny is cute." At that point the host's eyes glazed over…

If the album's a success it'll only be a fluke, man.

Sticky Bengay Fingers

I almost ran over Carmine from "Laverne & Shirley" in the parking lot of my old job. It was late and nobody was around, so I probably could have just tossed his corpse in the dumpster and gotten away with it.

I assume it's a fan that you manually wave to cool down a pizza so you don't burn the roof of your mouth.

Have some tapioca so you can take your pills, Grimm.

I'm thinking of opening a business in Indiana where I'll deny service to Christians. I'm sure they'll just shrug and take it in stride.

Didn't Burger King offer whoppers during breakfast hours around '00? Perhaps a regional thing.

That's fucked up. Being Florida, you probably could have shot the drivers and claimed you were "standing your ground".

The gang on Fox & Friends will liken this to genocide.

It's about the rodents who add the "capers" to the salads at Sbarro.

He doesn't know how to make a croque monsieur sandwich worth a shit, so that's #4.

Anal Cvnt actually. Check out the classic 6 second track "Ricky Coogin Sucks Walter Cronkite Taint".

Should of had him selling Ghostbusters branded "Ecto-Schnapps".