I find it funny that this network that posits itself as a beacon of cutting-edge/hip comedy like PARKS & RECREATION, ALWAYS SUNNY and THE LEAGUE also airs them alongside movies like VAMPIRES SUCK.

We would also have accepted "Iagowned", "Desdemowned" or "Cassiowned".

Don't cry for me…I'm already dead.

Well, it's pretty easy to distinguish them both: Fierstein has a soul. Weinstein does not.

Who needs functioning livers when you got Oscars?

1. Gravity
2. Blue Jasmine
3. This Is the End
4. The World's End
5. Side Effects
6. It's a Disaster
7. Pacific Rim
8. Rush
9. The Conjuring
10. Iron Man 3

So what does licking a sledgehammer imply then? "Sledgehammers taste like cotton candy"?

Does Miley Cyrus like sex?

Am I the only one who is surprised Mamet has kept his mouth shut about the government shutdown and the NSA tapping and Syria? You'd think those would be prime opportunities for him to run his mouth off, with big words no one uses in conversation/writing other than him and things that only sound smart because of the…

I think her wooden performance, as well as that of Rebecca Pidgeon's in Mamet's later movies, is the way he writes female characters, which is something I still don't know how to feel about. I think Pidgeon is good in HEIST and EDMOND, though. But then again, her getting naked in both those movies kind of helped.

This just in: Al Pacino set to replace Cory Monteith on GLEE.

The commercial I saw had one of their children complaining to his parents: "THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME IS FLAVOR FLAV!" Uh, this show is set in 1985, and Public Enemy released their first album around 1987. If these writers don't care, why should I?

Nah, I think he always had the air of a flagrant jackass about him. So I think he just sympathized with right-wing nutjobs, among whom flagrant jackassery is most encouraged.

Well, the nation's supply of cigars and berets DID go down to record lows after 9/11, so…

I just checked the G4 schedule for this week, and it's literally 80% AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR…which at this point, can just be called NINJA WARRIOR cause there is no more original NINJA WARRIOR on this network. Oh, and they're also showing the TEKKEN movie. Twice.

I'm thinking that the Tim and Eric cast is just a front for mentally ill people who can't get into the mental hospitals cause they're full up.

"Oh yeah. I used to be a paparazzo. It's a tough racket."

I remember a juicy anecdote in Rolling Stone's profile on the reunion last year where the Beach Boys were in a room listening to their new record—with John Stamos in tow, of course—and all Mike Love did was moan to the reporter why they hadn't got to the songs he wrote yet.

FUN FACT: The Hip Hop Doc ordered the hit on Jam Master Jay.

The real question is: Why the fuck would two talents as massive as Daft Punk want to appear on the circlejerk of douchebaggery that is the VMAs and not on Colbert? That's like having Daniel Day-Lewis accepting in person at the Teen Choice Awards.