I loved that. No "tell me why!" or even hesitation. You want

I just wish he'd have warned Sembene. "Hey, I turn into some kind of blood thirsty maniac during a full moon. Maybe grab a sturdy club or those badass knives of yours. Just in case."

His beard had mystical powers. That's why the witches wanted it gone.

I really wanted Ethan to say, "everyone in this house has seen more horror than you can imagine. Trust me, Vanessa isn't frightened of you."

"Well the jerk store called and they're running out of you!"

She really should've hired a sherpa for her vagina.

If you'd ilke to read more depressing mountain stories you should try Denali's Howl and Buried in the Sky (K2 disaster). So good but so depressing.

I turned it off once I realized it was going to be The Patrick Wilson Show.

*runs around like a goon*
HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON?!?! HEY DEAD PEOPLE, I'M LOOKING FOR MY SON, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?! HUH, DEAD PEOPLE, HUH?!?!

The only time I've woken up screaming was when Jimmy Durante attacked me wearing Freddy Kruger's sweater. Why he had a chicken wattle on his head I'll never know.

Sister Shoebox used to have those night terrors. When mom tried to comfort her she would scream about mom's face changing. It was scary shit to watch as a child, wondering what she could see that I couldn't.

I once woke up to Mr. Shoebox making faces at our bedroom window. I watched him for a few minutes and realized he was still asleep. When I woke him he said he there was a ghost outside the window and he was trying to provoke her. He then fell right back to sleep while I spent the next hour staring at the window.

It's so smooth and healthy looking I just want to take a candle to it!

I grew up in the 80's and I always felt that way about arcades. I feel similarly about casinos now, but it's a sad kind of creepy (if that makes any sense).

Now I'm picturing John Clare flailing around the cholera dungeon to Otis Redding.

I miss when the judges would offer actual dancing critique. They don't seem to do that as much. I liked seeing the contestants grow from one routine to the next over the course of an episode.

Don't worry. They'll change it so The Rock is the big hero.

Shut the fuck up, you bloated has-been.

We don't need another bio!

The first time I saw SYTYCD was the first time I felt genuinely sad about not sticking with dance.