Richard Nixon DNA Cologne
For the man who wants to reek of Dick.

Tyler Perry's Precious: Based on the Movie Executive Produced by Tyler Perry and Tyler Perry's Production Company, Tyler Perry Productions

I have to agree on the superiority of King's short stories versus the long form. While I'm a huge fan of The Stand, Misery, and It, "The Jaunt," "Survivor Type," and "The Mist" have stuck with me longer than almost anything.

You can also die of natural causes if you're retarded (does cancer count as natural causes)?

I would add: 17. DON'T be the Magical Negro. See, e.g., Mother Abigail in The Stand and John Coffey in The Green Mile. They always bite it by the end of the story.

Rachel Roberts
I met Rachel Roberts shortly before this movie came out. It says something about her charisma (or lack thereof) that not only did I not remember meeting her until I read this article, but I did not realize it was her as the hot, blond terrorist on Flashforward.

Wildcard, you have to remember: the snarky, angry, hate-filled comments thrown out by the AV Club Commenters are contingent upon those comments being anonymous. None of these fuckers would actually say the things they say on this site if they were talking to a live person.

The book Betty White was reading?
"From Peanuts to President" by Milton Green

That's a baby?! I thought it was Kuato!

Phipps!
He was involved in a hit and run?! Oh wait, I have to scroll down.

And a creepy little dude inside another dude named Kuato.

A Side O' Jen

"Jen and Friends (but not, like, the 'Friends' friends, but, like, other friends)"

Vanderjuice - Glenn Beck is a scientologist?

Um, Pentecostals. Tongues.

Fuck, that comment was supposed to go in the thread above.

To be fair, the Royale with Cheese guy tried to break with the church, but he had "confessed away" his gayness, so he's stuck with them unless he wants to be outed.

Sorry guys, Pentecostals for the win.

Frank Robbers. They're both named Frank.

I have no problem with vegetarians. Vegetarianism can be healthier (though not always), and a vegetarian is able to make a point without the world having to fucking bend over backwards to accommodate him or her.