Wells, i were sittin' theres, mindin' my owns business, an I done seen that eye you's were talkin' 'bout. So I says "Hey! Who there?" An it were you, so you comes in, an you gives me some beers, and I drinks 'em, an thens I jus' woked up ons the couch. I cain't remembers nuthin' afters drinkin' them there beers. I…

I tells you all wut, all you fellers is confusin' me. I don't knows who to talks to. Let's sees, Diarrhea Dump, I done talked to yous last nights at the toilet room. C.S. Lewis, Jr., I don't thinks I knows whut yous talkin' 'bout, but it sounds mighty nice, so's I thanks ya. Mr. Hulk Hogan, I don't thinks I askeded…

Boy, now holds on there! You betters stop right theres if'n ya know wut's good fer ya, boy! Don't nobodys talk to me likes that unless they git they backhind whipped! Izat wut you wont? Huh, boy? Cause I'll meets ya! I meets people all the times! Specially ones from the internets. They tells me to bring some alcohol,…

Naw this here feller hads hair all stickin' ups, and a ring in his ears, and a nice ol' black suit withs a tie an everthang. Naw, I dont's like them Frenches too much. I tolds my woman one times to go to the stores and gets some mustards, and she…hangs on. I feels likes this is that there dee ja voo, if'n ya knows…

Wells, a fellers gotta work, ain'ts he? I's done lost my job ats the sawmill, so I's done founds another one producin' them there sex moving pictures. I sawed this feller one day whens I were gettin' me some sodie pop froms the gas station, an he were dressed ups all fancy like an I says "Hey there, sonny, whats kinda…

Wells, I gots one a them theres doggie gates, but she can just steps right over its. She's a lots more smarter than I ever thoughts she were. Maybe I can just throws a buncha rockses at 'er or sumthin when she tries to gets out. I cain't affords no dadgum ol' machine. I spents a whole mess'a moneys on my brands new…

Wut does you means? This's jus the ways I talks. You means why my names is chinese-landowner? I done tolds that story to everybodys once, so I ain'ts tellin' it agains. Whys do a bowl'a soggy cereals wanna post stuffs on the internets?

I don'ts understands.
If'n ya asks me, that there girlie gots what was comin' to hers. She shouldn'ta been outs with no other feller if'n she's already spokens fer. Now whats they needs is one o'them there machines thats can keeps her in the kitchen cookin' that feller's suppers like shes ought tah be doin'.

I used tah lives in South Carolinas. Boy I tell yoo wut, we had sum good ol timeses in them cotton fields boy. We used tah goes out there and sits and gets drunk with each others, me and mah friendses I means. We's didn't never wakes up there thoughs, we was always back in mah buddy's horses stables the next days.

Now listens here!
I's ain't gonna stands fer this talkin bout mah Lord and saviors! Jesus is the reasons fer the holiday! Now yall cans just stop yer gum flappin fore I finds alla ya an tears up all yer back hinds!

I knows wut yer talkins about. You means that that Kay-feller is gay.

Nows you looks here, sonny. Them there terrorists ain'ts gonna do diddly squats while my goods friend Joe is arounds tah protects us.

I went tah sees them Tranny-formers. Its t'weren't nuthin likes I thoughts it were gonna bes. But you can bets yur back hind I'ms gonna go sees that there G.I. Joe. He always saids he were a real American hero. That's whys I always likeded ol' Joe.

Sometimes when I eats mah supper, I sops mah stale breads in the corn juice from mah cornbacobs. I likes tah calls em soppers.

Well I gots this rock, mah boy founds it fer me, he say he digged it up fer me outta this hole ins the yard. And so I tells him thats it must comes from China cuz we's all knows if'n ya dig far enoughs, ya makes it tah China one days. So's I keeps it and puts it in mah fishes tank with Herbie, mah catfish, and mah…

I eated some trix one mornins when i hads breakfasts with mah yunguns. But I likes rabbit betters. I takes mah boy huntins with me tah kill some rabbit fer suppers, he say he don't believes in killins animals, so I's tells him tah take the dog back homes and he can be the dog and runs some rabbit outta the bushes. I…

I used to hunts me some mooses backs in the days. Course we cleands the poops off of its. But if I recalls them there poops was pretty loose.

back when i liveded in rooster scratch we's had this man livins in the backyard. everybodys saids he were a some kinda pedophile. i didn't knows what that means so i tolds him to git out. nows that i knows its only somebody who likes them car toons i guess i can tells him to come on backs and sleep in lil ennis' room…

nope it don'ts. i knows all about pleasin. specially pleasin my lord. he's my very own personal saviours. thats what brother otis says too. i takes brother otis to church withs me. he always wants to stop on the way theres though and has our own little prayers fore service, but he always wanna be naked. he says he…

well, maybe yous right. i mights be too hards on the little lady. them gray poopons aint right though. i goes out to eats at the mac donalds whens my yunguns takes me into town. somebody stops us and ask us if we gots some. i dont knows what it is so i tells em hells no, now git fore i whip yo back hinds, and theys…