Quiet, they're showing a close up of the rod!

Everybody Polka!

*Cocks gun*

*Strains to hear*

So Michelle Bachmann? She rooms with a gay guy too.

Might I add, no fat chicks!

Hi, I'm Dr. Cheeks. I was doing my rounds and I'm a little behind…

Today part 4 of the agonizing pain in which I live everyday…

Oh yeah, the life support machine called…

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my money in your house!

The politics of failure have failed… it's time to make them work again!

Fox turned into a hardcore sex network so gradually I didn't even notice it.

People… in Detroit?

You are indeed the only one.

Yes! I'm just about the worst cellist in the world (I played from 4th grade all the way through high school before I gave up, and I don't think I got any better at it that whole time) and I still learned the First Unaccompanied Suite. And everyone I was friends with in my high school orchestra cello section learned…

Obviously Modern Family was going to win; it fits a self-congradulatory industry awards show perfectly. Firstly it's network, it's pretty popular, and it doesn't suck badly enough that it would be an embarrassment to the TV industry if it won an award, and secondly it's built on a sort of bourgeois faux-progressivism…

"The only people who aren't immigrants are native americans…"

Naw, I'll just wait for the Larry Flint version to come out.

There's a four o'clock in the morning now?

I'm pretty sure that getting a Wings boxed set is a punishment not a prize