You won't Google Gardevoir, you won't Google Anal Pain Stretcher, are we supposed to watch TV for you? Anal Pain Stretcher danced with Katie Couric! They were in that YouTube last week! And Vanity Fair this week! Christ!

1) Super Paper
2) 2 a la Doki Doki Panic
3) Super Mario Sunshine

No lie, my grandfather was one of the (many) guys who worked on the Saturn V computer. He showed me the computer ring in FL when I was younger, in that large suspended display they have (or had) of the sections, and explained how it worked to me. It wasn't hard, which remains the most impressive part to me.

Then think of it like the Internet's obsession with Anal Pain Stretcher, but slightly safer for work and slightly creepier.

Yeah, Nintendo leans on Samus too much in that corner, maybe. I never owned a DS but I remember reading about that godawful DS Mario game where you controlled the Princess and used the stylus to make her cry. That would be a weird thing to buy your daughter for Christmas, is how I feel.

I guess that makes sense.

The second one.

Switching subtitles is not a mashup.

I tried to do the math there and time sure shifted all right.

My favorite Mario game is Custer's Revenge.

What did the Minge have to say to that one?

I am only taken with these videos when the animal registers some form of mild protest. This one has a pug determined to lick off whatever nonsense someone put on its nose.

Yeah, but it's fun to make fun of you for saying it, too.

When it comes to my films, I like my ass-pecked ratios somewhere around 2:1.

This show is good but it's no Selfie.

If you measure the quality of movies by how much money they make, you have problems I can't solve for you.

As a kid, I would have killed for this game. As an adult, I doubt it'll get me to buy the system, but the one thing that does interest me seems to be the #1 whine-factor for nerds: delayed gratification as new materials unlock. I'd enjoy that part.

This sounds like the "nerd/geek/dork distinction", i.e., something made up by social rejects so they can class themselves as "better" than other social rejects.

It certainly doesn't help that Star Wars is a simple and childish thing to like, with media that flee depth as though it were hot lava.

I wouldn't let that harm your ability to distinguish between what is and isn't lame. For instance, a bunch of adults fighting over dolls for kids is lame. If your detector can't spot that one, time to calibrate.