Wow.  You need new friends.  And not because of the stripper thing, but because anyone who wants to do _______ for the attention deserves neither attention nor friendship.

Eh.  Portland's only a few hours from Seattle.

When my wife and I got engaged, I was making a healthy $1500 a month (PRE-TAX, BABY!) with no benefits and she was in grad school so there was no fucking way I was going to be able to afford a ring.  Luckily, she's the type to (a) not care about sparkly rocks and (b) much prefer to use that money on something else…

Only if they're legitimate diamonds, though.

My guess?  Little Bro said something along the lines of "Dude, you'll never believe what me and Katie did on our honeymoon!!!"

Bingo.

At least the roofies are organic and locally-sourced.

That's the tall, hot blonde one.  Not that the short, cute brunette one shouldn't do nudity, too, just that I'm unaware if she has.

In a related story, Rikki Lindholme does nudity in movies.  Which is good.

R-E-C-Y-C-L-E, recycle!

Isn't that what fellatio is, technically?  Eating babies?

Except when she's naked.

Got my wife the perfect gift (new Fossil purse she REALLY wants) and we'll probably pig out on rich food.  We have to get up crazy early this week, so not much energy for much else.  Maybe some sex, but we might both fall asleep in flagrante delicto.

"small exchange"

$25 a month, but Viking River Cruises gets a free tote bag at the end of the year.

"…shits…wanks…"

Bruce Vilanch helped defeat the Nazis?

This explains everything.

Let us know if they make him look like the dude from the commercial.

Hell yeah she was.  I'm liking her more and more.  "DO NOT LOOK A COOK IN THE EYE" and "I don't give a flying fuck if 'all the girls' are wearing that whore paint.  Not in my kitchen, bitch."