I did waaaaay too much vodka last night & I do to barf right now.

I'm SO happy this movie has finally opened so maybe I don't have to see stupid commercials for it anymore.

I thought the gender roles message went both ways…if Randy hadn't been ignoring Sharon in favor of jacking off to (food) porn, she wouldn't have gotten the shake weight in the first place.

I second Michelangelo
SO sick of hearing about stupid douchebag celebrity Twitter fights.

Best line
"Aww…its anus looks like an asterisk!"

How about "Rock & Roll Suicide"? Not cheerful enough?

Why do we cut our vegetables uniformly, Clarice?

Cake is like pizza and sex…even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

I'd get sleazy for Ron Weasley…

I saw that werecar episode right after smoking some weed laced with PCP, & it was truly terrifying. I don't recommend it.

Well I liked it
Mainly because I hate Twitter with the fiery rage of a thousand burning suns.

Ways to wear your bra
I can't think of seven different ways to wear mine either. I can only think of three useful ways - the regular way, the strapless way, & the strapless way where you also have an extra strap around your waist to keep the back of the bra down.

Insert hot dog A in bun B…then insert hot dog B in my A…

My gran used to give me Almond Smash. It's a bright red concoction that tastes basically like carbonated maraschino cherry juice…it's a Baltimore thing.

Or he may think all pussy is foul-smelling, because he likes the smell

what's a "weinter"?

I was drunk too, which made all that vomiting kinda hard to watch.

hmm
Am I the only Russian-American who thinks this could be terribly embarrassing?

Except Odessa is in Ukraine, not Russia.

If the chick is so boring in bed that you're perusing her CD collection, why even bother?