More like our very own Jesse Helms.

My Christmas must-see is "Silent Night, Bloody Night," if only for Mary Woronov. I really want Code Red to put together a decent version of that movie, so maybe someday I can actually see what the fuck's going on in the dark scenes.

I hope you're wrong about Romney, because he's the only Republican candidate who has a chance in hell of beating Obama, but I'm sure you're right. The others are so stupid, scary, and morally repulsive that no normal human being of any party would vote for them. They're definitely just there to distract us from how…

Yes. And the way the bear bashfully drags its paw on the ground to indicate contrition makes me happy.

Hey, I was in the ER three weeks ago and heard a 20-ish girl say quite seriously that she was looking forward to seeing this. She actually said that Sandler was "da bomb," plus she looked like she'd cut her own hair, so it's possible that she was mentally challenged in some way, but . . .

Oh, the freaky-looking zombie thing. Seeing it flailing around blindly with that hammer, and knowing that this is how you're going to die . . . ugh. Yeah, that made me really unhappy.

I've always felt that Stephen Lack gets an unfair amount of criticism for that movie. Yeah, he's kind of a lousy hero, but early Cronenberg heroes always suck (I guarantee you don't remember the male leads in Rabid or Shivers), and that's not Lack's fault. Plus, he's up against Ironside, who is fucking awesome. The…

And now, as a horror nerd, I must point out that the severed arm gag was done earlier, and better, in The Deadly Spawn.

I've seen that movie at least four times and I still don't know wft happens to the little kid at the bottom of the stairs, or where the damned tennis balls figure in.  I suppose I could look it up, but maybe it's more fun not knowing.

I am not a bimbo!
"So I jiggle when I walk! I got extra body fat! You gonna call me bimbo just for that?"

I've always thought that Navarro looked like a woman in male drag. I think it's that airbrushed-looking facial hair.

My mother gave me a few bucks and let me go see Carpenter's "The Thing" when I was eleven. Having a mother who never read magazines or newspapers really paid off sometimes.

I don't know why they bother with human leads in these things anyway. As I believe The Muppet Show demonstrated, some interaction with celebrities can be fun, but the focus should ALWAYS be on the Muppets themselves. Even Grodin and Caine could easily have been replaced by actual Muppets in their respective movies…

DAMN IT.
That looks even worse than I imagined it would. How hard is it to get these things right?

I meant Random Roles, of course. Although Ironside does, in fact, rule.

Yeah, I got a brief thrill thinking that, for some weird reason, they'd done a review of that movie. Then my hopes were dashed. We really need a Michael Ironside Random Rules.

His mommy is staying with him because his wife's out of town? How fucking incompetent is this guy, exactly? Would he and their kids (I assume he has some, because otherwise that's even more pathetic) starve to death if it was up to him?

You guys know about thrift stores, right? Every shitty book you're too embarrassed to buy is available at your local Goodwill or Savers/Value Village. This is particularly true of books in the "Political Crap" category; the complete works of Coulter, Moore, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Franken, and the rest are gathering…

I suspect a lot of people can't figure out how to get the downloads onto their Nooks and go to the library to pester the librarian about it, rather than reading the user guide. Just a guess.

The movie that really scared me — like," seriously wish I hadn't seen that because it will reappear in my brain during the wee hours" scared me — was David Schmoeller's Tourist Trap. It's mostly badly acted and a lot of the effects are just goofy, but there are moments of real horror. The young lady getting the…