90-degree angle, I meant. It's 45 degrees more horrifying!

The problem with my childhood home's basement (like Binky's) was the open-backed stairs. Even though I'd never seen anything scarier on TV than Howdy Doody reruns — he's a nightmare all his own — I knew instinctively that something was going to grab my leg, drag me under, and eat me. Fortunately, I now live in…

My friend keeps insisting that I watch DDG. I am hesitant, because (A) her idea of funny includes Tyler Perry movies* and (B) Denise Richards, ick ick ick.

I'm with the moose. That post-accident part was so dull it had me reaching for a magazine. Because generally, when you run over a dog, or a child, or anything larger than a chipmunk, you GET OUT OF THE CAR. You know, check to see if the thing you hit is still alive? Examine your car for damages? Or, if you're the…

Yeah, isn't the Face character supposed to be, like, really handsome? Cooper's okay-looking, but he's not a Dirk Benedict-level eye-catcher. (Wow, lots of hyphens in that sentence.) At the very least, Face should be noticeably more attractive than the other guys on the team. Did the filmmakers just totally miss…

Hey, in Count Yorga they used broomsticks. Not everyone has sharpened stakes stored up, you know.

Does that mean that, in twenty years or so, she's going to look like a stained pillow that someone put through the washing machine? Because . . . I guess I don't know how to feel about that.

Seedpeople: The one where they hired double amputees to play the monsters. And the monsters spat Kix cereal at their victims. At least that's how I remember it. I wouldn't call it a ripoff of anything, though; more like they put every sci-fi idea ever conceived in a blender and then filmed the resulting smoothie.

Inadequately pointy?

Mantan Moreland, you nailed Jill Banner and Mary Mitchel but not Carol Ohmart? Didn't you see her in that black lingerie? Damn, I'm a straight woman and I'd have done her.

How about Johnny Tillotson's teen classic, "It Keeps Right On a-Hurtin'?"

I suspect that the white Southern chick used to be a guy, but she seems nice, so hard-on away.

I assumed Lobsters knew what he was saying, and I was genuinely impressed by his humorous acknowledgement of his own flaws. (Naturally, I had to tease him. That's what goes on here.)

Thanks for the disturbing little peek into your subconscious, Lobsters.

Okay, that Romeo Void bit was incredibly stupid but it made me laugh.

Lobsters likes Taylor Swift? Odd. Well, we all have our little lapses in taste. Hey, I still like Huey Lewis & the News, and I'm only mildly ashamed to admit it.

"Channing Tatum" sounds like a porn star. A female one.

Yeah, Horror Hound has made me nostalgic for all that goofiness. (Well, not "Faces of Death.") I am seriously hoping that a copy of this will turn up at one of my local thrift stores.

Ah. So, in reality, ALL FIVE of my possible reasons for Grey Man's dickishness were correct. Damn, I'm good.

See, trolls, that's why you should never register. Let this be a lesson to you all.