Now if only Taylor Swift could revolutionize her face so it doesn't look like she has fetal alcohol syndrome.

Good on you Noel. I thought I was the only person who knew about Godmothers in this country. I started drinking them at a hole-in-the-wall bar in Nagoya called "The Other Side" and they're delicious. It was even better that in typical Japanese fashion they had it listed on the menu as a "Godmather." I had assumed it…

They should really try to do a more realistic arc, E.g. one where House outright lies to a patient as usual about the treatment they're giving him based on one of his completely unsubstantiated theories, the patient dies, then House is charged and convicted of 3rd degree murder, loses his license, and has the ever…

Hitler probably wouldn't have liked Ghostbusters either.

I would think that Zodiac Motherfucker would be a practitioner of polygamy or Mormon Hold 'Em as its more commonly known.

I'm so hip I used to be black but then Obama became president, and I was like, fuck him, I'm becoming white.

I remember when I tried to kick in my ex's door. Unfortunately I wasn't paying attention and my foot got caught in the doggie door, causing me to fall and fracture my ankle and coccyx. Thankfully I sued and got a pretty good settlement out of the bitch.

I prefer the director's cut of this movie which involves a sub-plot about O'Connell and the horde of talking roaches that live in his apartment. Hi-larity ensues!

Oh man, I can't wait to buy a digital album whose format they can stop supporting at anytime to make it completely worthless for $30 so that I can get some album artwork by the back-up drummer's high school friend.

Love the episode where Richard Nixon does an uncredited cameo as The Bulldog, Batman's jowliest adversary.

I sure hope that Apple DRMs the shit out of the books they sell, like Amazon does. I'd personally never buy any digital media if I wasn't convinced that the company I bought it from could take it back, erase it, or make it unplayable and obsolete in any device at any time. Call me old fashioned, but I like the feeling…

I noticed that starving Sudanese refugee was not one of the subsets of "International" that they were looking for. Does this mean I painted myself black and survived on a 1/10 of a cup of rice a day for 3 months for nothing?

I wish I didn't have to hide my continual workplace drinking. Damn you Jimmy Carter for campaigning against the three martini lunch, you cocksucker.

Profound impact on society? I'm sorry but I don't consider someone who if they had never existed everybody would be living the same exact lives that they have now (his rape victims not withstanding), which is certainly the case with MJ. And to think, TELEbrands didn't hire me as one of their copywriters!

Why isn't Michael Bay remaking this w/ scientist Will Smith moving to the country will his life partner Martin Lawrence? The forced sex/ rape scene w/ Lawrence would have been especially poignant.

House has been nominated several times before and should never be nominated again considering the fact that every episode is a cookie cutter of the last and will continue to be until the writers exhaust whatever medical dictionary they get their diseases from. If it wasn't good enough to win the first time, it will…

Kennedy also vowed to his chief-of-staff after that speech that he would put a slut in his room by the end of the afternoon, and he did. High five.

You stole my gut reaction, Lincolns Revenge. My other reaction would be that Dave Barry had cover consultation for some reason, no doubt in another PR stunt masterminded by Pynchon. That guy's everywhere!

If you people think Slate is bad I suggest reading some of Camille Paglia's column on Salon for some real "who the fuck would pay someone to write this nonsense" hatred.

I can't wait until the main set of movies end so that they can bring out "Harry Potter and the Immortal Cash Cow."