Look out for Mickey Rourke to be walking around with every pocket of his goofball tuxedo to be bulging over with watches, jewelry, and whatever else looked vaguely expensive and able to be slipped into a pocket. Guy's been through some tough times and he's not gonna let a cent slip through his fingers this time. He'll…

Look out for Mickey Rourke to be walking around with every pocket of his goofball tuxedo to be bulging over with watches, jewelry, and whatever else looked vaguely expensive and able to be slipped into a pocket. Guy's been through some tough times and he's not gonna let a cent slip through his fingers this time. He'll…

He's a fireman in this movie? I thought it was a reference to Kirk Cameron's character's inability to contract herpes. I guess you learn something every day.

I prefer And You Will Know Us By Our Trail of Gumdrops, Lollipops, and Rainbows…they're a bit more technically disciplined, and their introspective lyrics lend more gravitas the proceedings.

Is it just me or is he holding that baby on the cover with complete contempt? His body language really seems to be saying, "I am at least twice as cool as this infant."

I think the real remix of this show everyone wants to see is "Who Wants to Beat up a Former Who Wants to be a Millionaire Contestant." In it contestants would get to jump former millionaire contestants and beat them up while asking incredibly annoying questions to themselves to aid in assault process such as, "I've…

Why would somebody move from a lizard god country, to a country without lizard gods? It just doesn't make sense.

It's funny because I'm pretty sure I heard that while Rihanna was being taught why you should keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything nice to say that she just kept repeating, "If only you were an indie artist, Chris. If only you were an indie artist." So I guess this press release does have something right.

No beard on Phoenix = No deal. If he's not acting like a xanac addled jack-ass I don't want to see it.

Finally a chance to pay $10 for a book that I don't have a physical copy of, that I can't make a back-up of, and that gets deleted after a year. Brilliant! It's the best deal ever! Go fuck your mother, Guttenberg, you fucking unprofessional!

These New Orleans people need to make up their minds. During Katrina they were keeping minorities in the city at gunpoint and now they're telling them they're not welcome. I expected better of you New Orleans…oh no, wait, this is about exactly right.

You don't have to be a proud graduate of the University of Phoenix Online's rigorous law school to know that slander is generally spoken. I believe you meant libel, Southernfried Jihad…please don't issue a Southernfried Fatwah on me for correcting you…

I'm sure if you look closely in the scene that takes place in Diddy's law offices you see his BA from Devry and his JD from University of Phoenix Online hanging on the wall.

So did that band that was after them for plagiarism finally serve Coldplay court papers last night like they'd been trying to do for months? I guess every time the court official got close to Chris Martin to serve him, he would just throw Gweneth Paltrow at him to slow him down with anecdotes about how you're not…

I like to think that at least half the winners tossed their awards directly into the trashcan that was located just offstage.

This reminds me of when I was little and fell in love with my mom's vacuum cleaner…wait maybe that's not the same…

Yeah, I'm sorry I don't live in a city bursting with such creativity. I know my life is a lot bleaker for not being surrounded by women who think standing on a platform in the ocean in front of a bunch of fat, shirtless guys is profound. Thankfully the people in Philadelphia are still full of complete bullshit so it's…

The ironic thing is that Gene Shalit is almost certainly a big fan of samples the wares of said Albanian importer/exporters.

The only 3D ever worth a damn was for RadRacer on the original Nintendo.

[locking and loading sound of shotgun] Can you guys tell the Oscar producers that I need to talk to them for a minute out behind the woodshed. Let 'em know that it'll only take a moment of their time.