Yeah, but he still refuses to show us the death certificate.

We're through the looking glass, people.

He doesn't regret his choice of words, but he both rues and laments them.

Wrong!

Sorry to be obtuse, but what cancel-worthy shit is Saracen starring in?

It did wonders for Wilford Brimley in The Thing.

And I'll be right there with you. In the back corner of the theater wearing a roomy poncho.

To celebrate, let's eat some shrimp and masturbate!

We love domestic violence, and here's why you should too.

Look at my hard dick. Isn't it rad?

5. Is anybody listening to me?

You have inspired me to seek out that video in order to scientifically determine if it's as titillating as I remember from my youth. When I get home from work and close all the blinds, of course.

Did everyone else have The Box back in the day? The channel where you could order music videos and charge them to your home phone? I remember ordering a Ninja Turtle music video while my parents were at work, and having terrible anxiety for weeks that they were going to be furious at me when the phone bill came. But…

Well then, producer John Aglialoro has got just the movie for you!

I think you meant 'pasty'.

I normally make it a point not to talk shit about things I didn't like on the internet, but Tiny Furniture was really bad. Navel gazing mediocrity. I turned it off after about an hour.

Grenade launchers in the temple FTW.

"It's been a long time." "IN-DEED IT HAS, DAVE."

Having Lana Del Ray do the soundtrack would be brilliant  synergy.

Agreed. And to celebrate this great casting news, I'm going for a swim up on the roof!