We need to merge and optimise this week's terrible titles. I suggest "You will meet a tall dark owl who never sleeps" as a start.

On the one hand, I too was in group three. On the other hand, I went to an all-boys school. So, win-win situation.

The only part I remember was that they had a crazily paranoid anti-communist neighbour who looked slightly like Nixon.

"gay kids to sexually assertive girls to dateless introvert boys"
No prizes for guessing which group the majority of AVC commenters belong to.

Bad eyesight
I thought the headline said "mixed marital arts". Surely that would have been better?

Sorry - right author, wrong book. That's my punishment for relying on my faulty memory instead of the all-powerful internet.

Actually Sean
This happened in England, so he didn't "plow" his car into Snappy Snaps.

Time travelling dinosaurs would be ridiculous - how are the T rexes going to operate the controls with those tiny arms? And who wants a dinosaur show with no T rexes? I wish Spielberg would run his ideas past me first.

Great Role: The Age of Innocence
Comedy: Tristram Shandy

Officer! Someone just shot subpar! It looked like a very large black woman wearing a wig of some sort!

The Mavericks
"Dance the night away" was my first thought. Simple, but effective.

Doesn't answer the question: Ann Coulter - pre-op or post-op?

And the twist is
nobody knows they are all already dead (apart from the cat)!

I think it's "Chartered Accountants"

Nathan struggling to disguise his needs
He needs a cohesive, satisfying whole. Whatever happened to his imaginary girlfriend?

Assimilation
He really must be assimilating if he said "checkered" and not "chequered"

@The rationalist

This was, believe it or not, Brigid Hitler, who married to Hitler's elder half-brother Alois before WWI and they had a son called, again believe it or not, Patrick Hitler. She split from Alois at the outbreak of WWI and Brigid and Patrick Hitler wound up in the US when WWII broke out. They eventually changed their…

HO HO HO
TEEHEE HEE
ERIC, THE HALF A BEE

Basil Rathbone is pretty much the best villain ever, but I feel (not having seen it) that the last days of Pompeii has to reduce his badassery a bit if he's not allowed to have a moustache and fence.