But enough about Ted Nugent…

Hey, lay off Trump. He had nothing to do after he got bored with his nudie pen.

Sit down! You're ruining it for everyone!

Mine is "AF," as in, "It's hot AF." First, because I always initially assume the person is talking about Agnostic Front. Then once I've realized they're not talking about 80's hardcore, I realize that they're just too lazy to type the words "as fuck."

And the Duggars.

What about the appropriate age to stop trying to incorporate teenage slang into your vocabulary? I say 26.

Let's just say it moved her… TO A BIGGER HOUSE!

Break-DOWN

Just get Hank Azaria to do it.

Wow, that was really rude and uncalled for.

But then we wouldn't get that cool Woody Guthrie number about his dad.

Well, bless your heart.

Like when you honk at someone who's about to hit you on the road and they honk at you back. Nevermind that you helped them avoid an accident, you made them look wrong, DAMMIT.

Continuing with dystopian sci-fi, I'm on A Canticle for Leiboweitz.

Oh, man. I wanted to go when they played Oakland last week, but $100+ for nosebleed seats was too rich for my blood. I caught The Melvins last night, though!

I got harassed by an anti-Semite at a campground last weekend. It's only happened a handful of times in my life, but it never feels good. I then tortured myself for the next couple of days wondering if I come across as "too Jewish."

I'll ruin you like a Japanese banquet!

"No, son. You're supposed to sell the snake oil, not put it in your hair."

I'm not wishing them death, but they are doing active harm: fast-forwarded the vapidity of our culture.

::pushes up glasses:: Ahem, that particular song was actually written and performed by Curtis Mayfield.