That actually IS a cool story, bro.

Okay, I see that.

"Pseudo-Yeezus"? I must say, "Yeezus" was one of the absolute last albums that came to mind upon first hearing this. To me, this sounds exactly like something an '80s Rick Rubin would have come up with after a long night drinking 40s with Erick Sermon.

"On the other hand, this kid's dad donated money for a new staff parking lot…"

Fantastic article, and the real kicker is at the end: After playing in two of the biggest bands of the last 20 years, surviving intense combat in South America, Iraq and Afghanistan, and earning a degree in philosophy from an Ivy League college, he's asked about his future plans, and replies:

Weirdly, I just revisited "Enter the Dragon" a couple weeks ago. I hadn't seen in since I was like 11, and it's every bit as awesome as I remembered. RIP.

I heard the same "non-Spaniards won't get most of the jokes" excuse from a friend after we saw it, and I certainly hope she's right. From my non-Spanish perspective, it was pretty goddamn dire.

There are several Biggie songs in which he directly references his semen. This is most definitively not one.

Probably the only hip-hop song that reliably makes me misty-eyed.

And that he is still a fat motherfucker, lest he's forgotten.

Ooh, good one.

"Stay Free" is one of the best funeral song ideas I've seen in a while. Deeply sentimental and inspiring without losing its edge. Even as a young wannabe-punk, I rarely rose to the task of rabble-rousing, but I do have buddies who went to prison…that's enough, right?

On a purely technical level, "Quantum" has some of the worst huge-budget action directing I've ever seen.

In general, the great curse of liking Kanye is that you have to wade through his lyrics — and submerge yourself deep into the incoherent worldview of a raging, often unpleasant narcissist — in order to enjoy his musical compositions, which are unfailingly fantastic. Usually it's worth it. And sometimes he'll surprise…

Yet this knowledge has done nothing to prevent me from seeing them multiple times over the past couple years. But yeah, this defection seems long-overdue.

Agreed. I wanted to like this article, as I genuinely appreciate good pop music, and hate the entrenched sexism of dismissing music outright just because teenage girls like it. (As though the music aimed specifically toward teenage boys isn't equally dog-whistle-ish.) But this piece wildly overreaches.

Interesting that you bring up Carly Rae Jepsen, who I agree is a fantastic pop star. The thing about her, though, is that she was in her mid-20s when Call Me Maybe blew up and made her a "teen idol" type — I often wonder how the rap on her would have changed if she'd just aimed the same sort of music toward a more…

The groove on that song is so deep that it seems to operate on some sort of parallel-universe time signature. I'm not even sure if the song is fast or slow — it's like parts of the bands are playing a punk song, others are playing a funeral dirge, and it somehow all blends together somewhere in the middle.

Rap nerds always talk about great lyrics as being "rewind-worthy," and I still remember being a little kid with my JB Greatest Hits cassette, rewinding that line over and over and over again.

Amen. I still rock L7 on occasion.