'Really, the secret is that the Olympics are in fact incredibly boring. There are rounds and rounds of qualifications for everything, hundreds of countries, sports we’ve never heard of, rules we cannot even begin to guess.'
You could always, I dunno, try to find out some of the rules for those sports you've never heard…

She's been in quite a few things, usually naked. Her nudity is lovely, her acting, not so much.

She's been in quite a few things, usually naked. Her nudity is lovely, her acting, not so much.

I used to have some sympathy with her, but there's only so many times you can pull shit like this before sympathy starts to wear out. It's true in real life, too - just had a friend collapse from drinking too much for the third time this year, and just running out of patience and giving-a-shit-ness at this point.

I used to have some sympathy with her, but there's only so many times you can pull shit like this before sympathy starts to wear out. It's true in real life, too - just had a friend collapse from drinking too much for the third time this year, and just running out of patience and giving-a-shit-ness at this point.

She's 26 now. I think her starlet licence expired a while back.

She's 26 now. I think her starlet licence expired a while back.

Yeah, they're basically extras from The Walking Dead these days. Stilll looking healthier than Lohan.

Yeah, they're basically extras from The Walking Dead these days. Stilll looking healthier than Lohan.

You know that this is actually a thing, right? Produced by the genius who gave us The Fast And The Furious:

You know that this is actually a thing, right? Produced by the genius who gave us The Fast And The Furious:

Hey, there's a Carrie remake, so why the fuck not? I'm waiting for the Godfather: Rebooted with Shia LaBoeuf as Michael and Ashton Kutcher as Don Corleone

Hey, there's a Carrie remake, so why the fuck not? I'm waiting for the Godfather: Rebooted with Shia LaBoeuf as Michael and Ashton Kutcher as Don Corleone

It's either Charles Napier or Tim Thomerson. Assuming those two aren't actually the same person.

It's either Charles Napier or Tim Thomerson. Assuming those two aren't actually the same person.

Bale will he shot by an angry cinematographer

'Dad, you shot the zombie Flanders!'
'He was a zombie?'

It was just a whole bunch of people standing up, almost as one, and then clobbering each other for about five mintues. Or, more accurately, flailing wildly at each other and mostly missing. And then they sat back down and carried on watching the movie. Beyond that, nothing much to tell. Sorry, guys

Ah, Liverpool, Britain's version of Arkansas. I saw Spiderman 2 there back in the day and a huge brawl broke out halfway through, involving most of the two front rows of the cinema, so the only surprise here is that the place was showing The Artist at all.
And now I'll sit back and wait for 10000000 comments from…

'Slow moving' hardly does it justice - 'completely stationary' might be closer to it. Solaris is an action movie compared to that thing.