[chooses to drown instead]

Just for the fuck of it, just to make things interesting, he should bring back the Forrest Gump voice when he plays this Sullenburger guy. No explanation given. What else do you have to prove, Hanks? Just do it.

Adam Sandler can read?

-Werner Herzog, car mechanic

But I always drink plenty of…. malk?

When I'm at a show listening to a band that means a lot to me, I'm not tempted to sing along. Nothing against anyone who does that though.

Never heard of this song before but thanks for giving me something new to hate!

Chew? Tobey Chew?

"David Fincher, recent target of "To Catch A Predator" sting operation poses for his mugshot"

#billyjoelarsonist

It's on 14th St in Manhattan. The apartment will cost as much as they paid for the streaming rights.

Stripper

Wait, he was referring to his own personal nudity.

Ol' Gil. Working hard to make money for those hot-plate payments.

I also get annoyed when that movie The Heat comes on because I think it's Heat and I get excited and turn it on and I see Sandra Bullock's face and then I'm disappointed.

Edit: Never mind.

Maybe I'll just bake a cake and write it in frosting

You know, CVS really needs a "Sorry That You Shit Your Pants" section in the greeting card aisle for occasions like this.

More like Yawn…James Yawn am I right?

Can I just have a handgun and a bottle of scotch instead? Pretty much the same