"as a sitcom all I ask for is character development."

Wait, what country is Gilfoyle from?

No, Alex is a fat psychotic fuck with a brain melted on male supplements who found a good schtick for selling survival seeds and other male supplements, who pulls unsubstantiated bullshit out of his ass to prey on people's insecurities and convert them into irrational paranoia against their own representative…

BECAUSE OF CHEMTRAILS!!!!

Side note: "BRAIN FIGHT with TUCK BUCKFORD" is my favorite Colbert Late Show bit. I mean, it's kind of hard to take Jones's schtick and make it more ridiculous, since it's seemingly beyond parody, but Colbert somehow manages to pull it off.

THAT SOUNDS FRENCH!!!

I don't know, but as someone with eight goddamn years of comments on this place, representing possibly YEARS worth of work that could have been done on a career or something useful, I'll be very upset if they disappear.

He certainly does resemble a wild potato…

I've also tried being a fat woman named Frieda.

THANK YOU!

*pinches bridge of nose, pained expression on face*

I am, but he has two eyes… What exactly are you suggesting?

And yet I can't get a goddamn interview at 21st Century Fox!

YOU'RE A COW!

I remember getting into a conversation with someone who admitted to regularly listening to InfoWars… And I was like, "Really? Chemtrails? Lizard people?" and he replied, "Well, look, I mean, there's a lot of crazy stuff on there along with the real stuff, and you know, it's just funny, it's entertaining."

Someone find a one-eyed midget to go yell at him for me.

Now, look, I'm not saying that everyone who listens to Alex Jones gets addicted to meth and fucks their own senile parents repeatedly while their children watch — I mean, I tend to believe that most of them are decent, normal people who would never do such terrible things, but I think, you know, when you look at how…

The thing is, I'm not so sure HE's aware that he isn't as gifted as some of the folks he's helped elevate.

OK….

And seriously, of all the friggin' characters to turn into a woman, Marc Antony? Like, Cassius or Pompey I could *maybe* see — or even Brutus (which actually might give the opportunity to say something interesting about masculinity and statecraft), but Marc Antony just makes no sense…