The Genius has a magnificent beard,
Just one of the reasons I'm usually feared.
Because of this fact, shaving does not appear
On my expertise list. But you listen here:
If your morning shave uses up gallons of water
You must have an ape jaw like ol' Sgt. Slaughter!

The Noble Savage
I'm rarely at a loss for words, as many will attest:
As poets go, The Genius is usually the best!
But times like this require greater art than I can muster…
The Macho Man deserves an ode, not silly rhyming bluster.

Your idea possesses much merit
And should be the filmmakers' plan…
If they're more careful than Michael Scott
And they catch where they misspelled Japan.

As a Comic, In All Seriousness…
Julie Taymor believes she's mysterious
But mostly comes off as delerious:
And if her main concern
Is how "crucibles" burn,
Her spaciness is deleterious.

A Simple Answer
The Genius proposes that this list is flawed
As it's missing the best and worst entries:
And so I present these divergent extremes
To the AV Club - pop culture's sentries!

Teen Idolatry Considered As An Uphill Bicycle Race
The Genius pities the blubbering tweens
Who worship this tousle-haired moppet.
They say Biebermania will never die:
I say that time's passage will stop it.

The Genius grants you that Fergie's quite butch
But permit me to rejoin your quip:
Try sharing a locker with Chyna, my friend,
And see if your standards don't slip.

Addendum:

Sports Entertainment? Neither.
The Genius wasn't too deeply impressed
With Wisconsin versus Pennsylvania.
If the Super Bowl made you feel bored and depressed,
Cheer up, 'cause here comes Wrestlemania!

Although Dana Carvey has reached some real highs
His career has seen lower points too.
I think you'll agree that "Master of Disguise"
Was pretty much his "Love Guru."

I'll keep it real short,
Must get this off my chest…
Stay in school, don't do drugs,
And you kids are the best!

Brother From Another Mother
The Genius, lately, has grown to love Fringe:
It's a rare burst of greatness from Fox.
I don't watch every week - I prefer just to binge
An entire Blu-Ray from the box.

An Elegant Proof
The Genius has a few skeptics-
Those who say he's not really that smart.
True, most of them worship Hulk Hogan
And think Thomas Kinkade makes fine art…

I Draw The Line
The Genius has never stood down from a fight -
Solo, tag-team or anything goes.
You win some, you lose some, but you gotta step up
No matter what curveballs life throws.

A Lesson Learned
The Genius knows just how Sean O'Neal feels:
I've been tricked by a Millionaire.
Yeah, Ted DiBiase, I'm talking to you -
With your sequins and your blow-dried hair!

Dear Randall, good to see you too!
You're looking macho still..
I trust you and your lovely wife
Are well and no-one's ill.

The Genius is grateful for
Your comments and critiques:
It's nice to see the AV Club
Is not just filled with geeks.

The Genius likes Kiefer's work -
Jack Bauer is hardcore!
But Kiefer's crazy drinking
Is a thing that I abhor.

Charlie Sheen Is Not For The Children
The Genius is disappointed
In Mr Charlie Sheen:
Charlie's on a slippery slope
To being a has-been.

Twilight In The Loafers
The Genius is far above money:
I know that one's fortunes can vary…
But when I heard this guy's a werewolf
I thought I'd see something quite scary.
Now, once I laid eyes on this Lautner
I saw he was not even hairy.
In fact, if you'll pardon my rudeness -
HE LOOKS LIKE A PENCILNECKED FAIRY!