You had to make me feel old tonight, didn't ya?

@avclub-472d722b57a4ed37e41e70c9c9d7d0f3:disqus You… got to let…it…

Alexandrietta Von VanDer Aschfickerstein

The only steam… is Teen Steam.

If Bob Woodward hadn't been such a sissy about swallowing, we'd know who really shot Kennedy.

I would cut his throat. Out.

Yarrr, there be boobage the likes of which Neptune 'is piss-stained self ain't never seen.

It was a carpet-intensive decade. If you missed the 70s, imagine two (or more) people with completely unshaven bodies having sex on a bearskin rug on a deep-pile avocado-green carpet.

In a very general sense, people who self-identify as "Christian" tend to be of evangelical or charismatic sects. The tacit implication is that Catholics and mainline Protestants are something else.

The extra "A" is for extra animosity towards non-whites!

It would be better if they were NWAs from Compton.

Someone named "Aryan" is a racist? Why, I never!

It is summer now, and I finally got over to the other side of the river to make a run at the Asian supermarket. That means it is curry season! To date, pineapple, mushrooms both white and straw, butternut squash, bell peppers, and chickpeas have tasted of my red thai coconut curry. What will be next? Pattypans? Tofu?…

But part of the sham is that the yams aren't yams—they're sweet potatoes!

Our violent crime rate is going down; we're much too lazy to murder at that rate. You want your ass murdered on a Sunday, you gotta go to Bangladesh.

Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see James Franco stroking.

In that case, could you not aim at my eye?

So you're trolling your own audience in a gambit worthy of the scum that makes reality TV now, AV Club? This place turned into Bleacher Report… rather suddenly, actually.

You understand that "produce your album" is a euphemism for "blow you for $20," right?

Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov and Jennifer Lynn Lopez-Muñiz walk into a Scrabble tournament…