An 8-bit Nintendo character who just couldn't make the transition to the SNES generation. I'm sure they'll wedge him into a Super Smash Brothers game eventually.

Put your head in a bucket and listen to an old Chic song?

Freedom Bread. They come frozen, they're not flaky, and there's a Vienna sausage in each one instead of butter.

Not a joke or a troll. The original Wonka was a bad movie and a bad adaptation. The book is a serious, glorious head trip. The movie is a lame 60s children's musical. Yes, I know, the boat scene, whatever. That's one scene in an overlong, dull, disprespectful cash-in made by a fucking candy company.

Another tragedy of sequencing. This deserves the W.

Boys, boys… they both stink.

I don't understand that question etc. I spent four years trying not to friend them.

I don't have Facebook precisely to avoid the people whom I'm not going to the reunion to see. Which is all.

Is that a costume, or has John Hodgeman become an evil extraterrestrial dictator when I wasn't paying attention? I, for one, etc etc.

What does it say about America that we're willing to go see a movie about white people doing great things for black people, but nobody goes to see the movie about black people being painfully dull?

*Jake Lloyd cuts himself while waiting by the phone*

"One freaky thing from the future" = Old terminator Arnold.

Maybe, but the next real Guns & Roses album is going to blow all this grunge shit out of the water.

The violence they've done to narrative logic to keep wringing out sequels makes Terminator the "silver age" Superman of our times. Discuss.

But she sure was funky!

Perhaps they're including the energy usage of server farms that feed it the internet? That's a surprisingly large energy consumer, though I don't imagine that it still sums in favor of the phone.

I think it sounds like an anagrammatic name from a Nabokov novel. There's got to be some way of arranging those letters to spell "George Borges licks dogs" or something.

I really, honestly think that he must have some species of autism. Even Michael Bay has more insight into human nature.

It breaks down when you remember that she was an English aristocrat. She never drove herself anywhere in her life. If she'd even ever seen a steering wheel she probably would have tried to eat it.

I like Scotland very much. Can you get me a job and then succeed?