See, you thought Allen Iverson wrote the line "everybody stay fly, get money, kill, and fuck bitches," but really, he was just quoting Jesus.

For real. I mean, "Stick it to the libs by giving me money!" is a can't-fail proposition among wingnuts. How does she only have $3K?

This got a literal LOL from me. Well done.

"They hate us for what we are, not for what we do," is what I'm told by stupid people.

Dead Andrew Breitbart, I guess?

Conservatives think that only other people should be forced to live under the strict rules of conservatism. They themselves are the exceptions, you see. Just like how everybody else is a goddamn moocher and lazy piece of shit living the high life courtesy of Uncle Sugar, but they themselves are good, hardworking…

It's a conservative tradition.

Babies don't cost money, they make money—especially those little white ones.

He's totally in my face!

It's The Expendables of rap-rock.

I mean, I'll hold the door for them, but only if they're making an actual effort to hurry up. None of that "oh, I'll just slowly make my way there, leaving you to hold the door like a schmuck instead of going on with your day" business.

There was an article in (I believe) The New Yorker a few months back about how a lot of these mega-rich jaggovs (many of them Silicon Valley dudebro libertarian types) are sinking considerable money and resources into their escape bunkers. New Zealand is evidently a very popular destination for them to flee to once…

Which raises another point: Preppers are frequently goldbugs as well. "Once TSHTF (they really, really do love to invent initialisms), paper money will be useless!" Uh, and your gold will be valuable how?

Fuckin' Reese Witherspoon's eatin' that shit.

Outstanding comment/avatar synergy.

One guy I sort of internet-know is definitely on the prepper side of things, and he spent most of the Obama presidency predicting "civil uprising/race war" (started by liberals and black people, of course) and doing an "oh no, you're going to FORCE me to put my awesome prepper skills to work protecting my family…

"I've got to get out of this. What do other guys do?"

Holy shit. This just blew my mind.

Gabe wasn't all that good, but Zach Woods was funny as fuck.

This is Kissel!